Vague Existence

Chapter 29: Gulf

"Excuse me Sir, may I take your order?" My skin crawled, the last time I heard that word was when I barged in to his place and offered myself to him. My god Gulf, when is this gonna end.

"Steak please, medium rare and salad." She knows her stuff, she's used to this type of places.

"How about you Sir?" Imma punch this waiter.

"Same." Just because my left and right minds are at war right now debating if I continue with this or not  and I have no place to think about what I am going to eat. I was so distracted by my own thoughts,  I didn't know Reena had been talking non-stop.

"Gulf?...Gulf?"

"Huh?"

"I said, isn't that your mom on the other table?"

I did a double take. Shit. My mom is eating with some business partners. I forgot, she frequents this place too. I am so fucking absorbed with trying to forget he-who-cannot-be-named, I fucking forgot to be cautious.  Breathe Gulf. Breathe. She won't notice you, besides she won't expect you here. Right. Right. Besides, I am outside her periphery. As long as she doesn't look in this direction, she wouldn't know I'm here.

"Hi Mrs Cheunprom!"

My eyes bulged. What are you doing Reena?!!!!

"Didn't I tell you? My mom and your mom are great friends. That's why my mom likes you." She smiled so lovingly.

"Hey Reena." That's my mom. I hear her approaching.

"Hi Mrs Cheunprom. I am here with your son." I looked up and see my mother surprised as well.

"Well, this is unexpected. I didn't know you know each other."

"Oh, I also go to Prive and Gulf and I just started dating."

"Oooh." My mom looked at me, waiting for me to say anything, something. I wish that too, only if my mind won't run a mile.

"I cheerdance for the IFL and you know your son is the best captain----"

"Here's your steak Sir." Saved by the bell. Imma kiss the waiter later.

"Do you want to join us Mrs Cheunprom?"

My mom looked at me looking uncomfortable. "No thanks. I'd like you to enjoy yourselves." She smiled. "Son, I hope you pass by the apartment later?  Before you go back to school?"

With a frozen smile. "I'll see mom."

She went back to her dinner and we ate ours too.

I look at Reena while she talks animated things. She looks so innocent but flirty at the same time. If circumstances are different and I am the model child my mother wants me to be, she's the perfect catch. However, during the course of dinner, I finally realized that I am not ready for this. I meeting her mom and  she meeting mine just gave me anxiety. What I really want is freedom. Freedom from all the world expects from me and love passionately the way I want to with whoever I want without judgement. I felt that. I experienced that. With someone who belongs to someone else. Is this how my mother felt when she fell for my uncle?

"Sir, here's your bill."  The waiter just interrupted my thoughts.

"Put it on my mother's tab, Mrs Cheunprom. She's on the other table." Then I looked at Reena. "Shall we go?"

She stood up still smiling. How I wish I can give her what she wants.

She looped her arms around mine as we walked outside the restaurant. A scent just passed by my nose, a Jo Malone scent.  I turned and searched. What are the chances that he is here? Probably small. Probably just my imagination. I put my attention back to Reena while she's talking about being scolded tomorrow because she didn't attend the cheerdancing practice tonight. I reminded her that I did not attend too so both of us will probably be scolded. She laughed heartwarmingly. I smiled. The guy she ends up with is very lucky.

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I delivered her to her doorstep. Before she enters, "Hey Reena."

She smiled, "Yes?"

"Before you go. I'd like to thank you for being the most wonderful person."

"Okay..." Her smile wavering.

I hope this doesn't hurt that much. "I'd like you to know that I have enjoyed your company and really wish that we can be friends. What I am saying is, I am not ready for anything serious.  Looking at you tonight, I realized that you deserve more and that more is something I cannot give. I'm sorry."

She looked at me, seriously this time. "I am not stupid Gulf. I know that something has been bothering you. I really wished I can make you fall for me, but I guess, it didn't work."

"I'm sorry." I looked at her with utmost sincerity I can muster.

"It's okay." She smiled. "I prefer the truth than to be led on."

We hugged, talked a bit and I went.

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I was whistling while walking to my family's building. I feel my chest lighten a bit. It always feels good to be truthful to ones feelings  even if that feeling ain't that pleasant.