Shakespeare one shots

Extra! Extra!

A newspaper clipping, neatly snipped and barely crinkled.

A statement was made at 9:00 AM today by a mother of a Wittenberg student, both of whom wish to remain anonymous. The student says, "Anyone who needs to know will figure it out."

The Gazette interviewed the woman's husband just minutes after her speech. "We're no one special. We're just a family. That's the point. We want all parents to connect with their children like this."

The mystery mother herself had this to say:

"I want to begin with the fact that I am a mama bear in every way possible. I protect my cave and my foraging grounds with everything I've got. So when two little cubs showed up at my door last night and I see one of them's crying, I say, 'Come on in, boys, it's freezing outside, come in and tell me what's wrong.' My little black bear looks at me and says, 'Mama, this is my boyfriend, H-----. His parents just kicked him out because he told them about me.' The boy with him is a thin little polar cub, blue eyes crying and crying, and my heart just breaks for this boy. My son brings him to the couch and holds him real tight, saying it's okay, he's safe now, they can't touch him here. Whoever 'they' are must have done him something terrible, because the polar cub is shocked at every little act of love we show in my house. Now, I've always believed that every parent loves their child, so there had better be another mama bear out there with a golden apology for her poor cub. And so help me God, she'd better let him back into his cave, or we're gonna have some real trouble when she shows up looking for him."

A printout from a news article, dating three months after the previous text.

QUEEN GERTRUDE OF DENMARK OVERRIDES KING CLAUDIUS' WORD: LEGALIZES SAME-SEX MARRIAGE AT LAST

Her Majesty made an announcement just hours ago confirming that the state of Denmark officially allows same-sex marriage, and is pushing to change discriminatory laws to make the country more accepting to all its people, regardless of sexuality or gender identity.

The Queen states: "No child should be afraid of their parents. My son was afraid of me for a time after he brought his boyfriend home, and I implore each and every citizen of this great nation not to do what I did. He trusted me with a fragile piece of himself and I betrayed him. I would not wish that feeling on any child, nor any parent."

The son in question, Prince Hamlet, has since moved back into Elsinore castle and reclaimed his inheritance. He and his boyfriend, identified only by the first name Horatio, remain close, and Denmark has taken quite a liking to them.

Here, a printed photograph. The background is dark, a couch and two figures illuminated by a large TV set out of frame. A man (presumably Horatio) lays on his back against the armrest, his arms over the shoulders of another man (identifiably Prince Hamlet), who is laying on his front over the first man's chest. Both are asleep.

Dutchess Ophelia, a close friend to the couple, provides a steady supply of pictures and quotes for the gossip sites. "They're soulmates," she says. "I haven't seen a more perfect pair since the hydrangea and phlox I mixed in a vase once. Though, they're also sickening. I'll be trying to draw a portrait of Horatio and then Hamlet will swoop in and kiss him every five seconds. Like, come on, I get that you're in love, but just chill your hormones for a singular moment so I can finish this outline!"

They are in love, indeed, so says Prince Hamlet himself in this exclusive interview...

The attached link leads to a video.

Prince Hamlet sits on a leather chair on an interview set, a woman across from him leaning forward inquisitively as she asks him questions. Over the course of the 45-minute video, Hamlet goes from merely polite, to comfortable, to passionate, to lovesick, to reminiscent, to regretful, and back to lovesick again. In the background, a series of pictures aids him with answering the questions: How did you become friends accompanied by a low-quality shot of himself and Horatio on a bench outside the Wittenberg library, sharing a book and each with coffee in hand.

He ends his interview with an answer that astonished and delighted the public. "What do you think the future holds for Denmark's collective OTP, Prince Hamlet?" asks the woman. Hamlet responds, "Honestly, if nothing crashes and burns, which Ophelia constantly assures me it won't," (he pauses here for a fond chuckle) "I intend to marry him. Horatio is the love of my life and I can't imagine anything but forever with him." (He turns, looks directly into the camera.) "And if anyone still has a problem with it, they can suck my a- no, wait. He'll do it instead."

♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤

I watched an episode of Queer Eye and cried. This is the result of those feelings.

PARENTS, ACCEPT YOUR GODDAMN KIDS.

That is all, faeries. May you love and be loved.