Androphobia

xxxii. just once

Agora Hills - Doja Cat

A/N on Palestine/Israel situation at the end of the chapter!!

THEA'S POV:

I sat there on Danny's bed, knees folded to my chest and arms wrapped around them in anticipation of what she would next pull out of her wardrobe. Faintly, her siblings' voices passed under the doorframe - a concoction of bickering and laughter.

The night of the party had already arrived. After a fitful evening of slipping in and out of slumber, I'd managed to convince Mama and Papa to let me have another 'sleepover' at Ember's. The truth had become foreign to me, lies slipping from my mouth like rainfall in England. I knew my fabrications would catch up with me someday but for now, just this once, I wanted to experience the life of a teenager without consequence.

That didn't excuse the gnawing hollow in my chest after my argument with Synn.

I placed my chin upon my kneecaps and let my thighs press against my breasts in an attempt to ease the ache. We hadn't spoken since yesterday. Our words had carved pieces of each other; it made sense he'd want to keep distance, but part of me wished he'd call again so I could apologise, so we could sort things out and relieve this eerie tension between us. I knew Synn only wanted what was best for me but the way he was so quick to judge my friend and mistrust my judgement didn't comfort me at all. Why wouldn't he trust me?

I had one more day left before Synn returned so that was all that mattered. As long as I reached and left the party safely, he'd never need to know.

"How about this one?"

I blinked and looked up at Danny. She was holding up a sheer black top with dark polka dots on the sleeves, something extremely gorgeous but something I didn't have the confidence to pull off when my body would be on show. "Mm, maybe something else?" I smiled. She nodded her head and chucked the top onto her bed next to me. Hunching over, she rummaged through her garments again in search of something more appropriate.

"I don't know why I'm looking at tops," she muttered to herself and shook her head. "Dresses are your thing."

I did like dresses.

"Wait."

She stopped to pull out a hanger and straightened out the material hanging from it. My eyes widened at the beautiful dress in her arms. My friend passed it to me. It was a deep blue in colour, so luxurious I thought it would fall apart in my hands. It gave the impression of being velvet from its soft feel but the material was thinner and shimmered beneath the light like bounding waves. Although it looked stunning, I wasn't sure I'd do justice to the dress.

"This is the one, smiley. This is the fucking one," she said confidently.

"Are- Are you sure I'd be allowed to wear it?" I gaped, still running my hand along the material.

"You can wear anything you want to wear," she shrugged. "And besides, you're shorter than me so it'll fit you better. I've grown out of it already."

"If you're really, really sure..."

"Just go and try it on already," she sighed and spun me around by my shoulders, nudging me towards her door. As soon as it was open, Danny jostled me into the bathroom next door. I threw her another uncertain glance over my shoulder before closing the door behind me.

Fumbling with the material, I clumsily removed my old clothes and pulled on the new dress. I ran my hands down the front. I couldn't deny that it hugged my body perfectly. I wasn't particularly endowed in the chest area since I was fairly skinny, but my breasts complimented my figure: subtle curves, a small waist and slightly wider hips. I cleared my throat and smoothed down the dress in the mirror. For one of the first times in my life, I felt like luxury. I felt beautiful.