Not What I Expected

Part 23

After a little while Nicole walked back into the living room with a glass of water in one hand and a bottle of beer in the other. She silently handed the beer to Ryan and sat down on the corner of the couch a fair distance away from him.

"I know you are upset and angry that I didn't tell you the second I found out," Nicole said quietly, her voice quivering, "But you don't have a right to feel that way. I was planning on telling you tonight before you got so upset with me. I was going to ask if you wanted to come to my first doctor's appointment tomorrow morning with me."

"I can't do this Nicole," Ryan replied as he stood up and grabbed his jacket off the back of the chair.

"Ryan, I want you by my side as I go through this," Nicole whispered, looking up at him, "I am not ready for a relationship at this point, but I can't think of anyone else I would rather experience this with."

"Look, I know you're going through a lot right now Nic," Ryan stated as he stood in the doorway and looking at her, "But I can't play house with you anymore. That child...isn't mine and I don't really feel like playing the dad role."

"I didn't ask you to play daddy, Ryan," Nicole retorted, glaring at him, "I asked you to be a friend to me and support me through this. But I see that this news and this request has been a little difficult for you to wrap your head around. I don't need your help. I've got my mom and dad and Beth and Alex. I don't need you. Get out of my house."

He stared at her for a moment in disbelief. He felt like she had slapped him and he very much deserved it. In all the time he had known her, not once did she ever talk to him like she just had. But also, in all the time he had known her, he had never acted like such an asshole. He realized in that moment how much he had hurt her with his response and just how much damage he had done. He had just gone and destroyed their friendship and any possibility they may have had in the future of being together again.

"Nic..." Ryan mumbled as he took a step towards her, "I...I'm..."

"Get out Ryan," Nicole spat, "I don't want you here and I don't want to see you again."

He swiped at a tear that escaped from his eye as he remembered how badly he acted last night and he felt awful. He had made the whole situation about himself instead of focusing on her and what she was asking of him. Deep down Ryan had wanted to be a part of her life, whether it be friendship or more, and he wanted to support her and be there for her and Hudson and the baby. Instead, he focused on what he wanted and what he wasn't getting and he played the "poor me" card on the day of her husband's funeral. He was an ass.

Nicole sat on her bed that morning staring at herself in the mirror. She was miserable, she hadn't slept at all the night before and she was beyond angry and hurt. She never, in all her life, thought that Ryan would ever become that guy that made it all about him. She could understand his anger and resentment if she had kept the pregnancy from him for a couple months, but it was two days and she had had a lot going on. She barely had time to think about the pregnancy as she planned and prepared for Chad's funeral.

"Momma!" she heard Hudson call from downstairs as the front door closed, "Where are you?"

Nicole stood up and straightened out her jeans and shirt and then stood at the doorway to her bedroom. She couldn't let thoughts of Ryan consume her right now, she had her family to think about and focus on.

"I'm upstairs baby," Nicole called with a smile as she heard the pitter patter of his little feet running up the stairs.

"Hi!" he exclaimed with a big smile on his face as he ran into her arms, "Gramma downstairs. Can I go play in my room?"