Not What I Expected

Part 21

Nicole smiled just as a wave of emotion took over her and she had to sit down. Ryan sat down beside her and wrapped his arm around her shaking shoulders hoping that he could comfort her somehow.

"I have to go pick up Alex," Beth said quickly as she smiled at Ryan with appreciation, "But I will be back as soon as I can."

After she left, Ryan and Nicole sat in the pew in silence, neither one of them knowing what to say. They both knew that no matter what was said it wasn't going to change the situation. They were here today to say goodbye to Chad and celebrate his life, or at least they were going to try and celebrate. Ryan didn't know how to celebrate a life in this instance as Chad was taken away so abruptly and so unexpectedly. He was only 40 years old, he had so much more life to live, even if he had destroyed his beautiful family.

"He wanted to end things with Anna," Nicole whispered as she lifted her head to look at him, "He knew there was no chance of a relationship like theirs surviving. He had every intention of supporting her and the baby, but in the end...in the end...he said he wanted one more chance to make it right with me and Hudson."

He wasn't expecting her to open up about her and Chad's last moments together, but he was glad that she trusted him enough to share with him. He rubbed her shoulder and reached out with the other hand to wipe away a tear that had escaped. Nicole sighed and leaned her head against his shoulder.

"I'm not even sure if that one more chance would have changed anything," Nicole continued on, "How can a marriage survive all the damage, pain and heartbreak that was caused? Would our marriage have lasted or would it have died out anyways, despite the effort we would have put in to try and repair it?"

"I'm sorry Nicole, I don't have an answer for those questions," Ryan replied quietly as he ran a hand over her braided hair, "I'm afraid that you will probably never get an answer to those questions."

"I would have like to have found out though," Nicole said, her voice strangled as a sob travelled through her, "He was taken away from me before we had an opportunity to find out. Why! Why did this have to happen?"

"I know Nic..." Ryan began, but didn't know how to continue saying out loud what he was thinking.

"It's her fault Ryan," Nicole spat angrily as the tears fell down her face, "She destroyed my family and she's the reason that he went out drinking that night...Why did I forgive her? She ruined everything!"

Ryan sat in the pew unable to say anything as the anger took over her. She fell to her knees in the aisle of the sanctuary and cried out and yelled. Her sobs echoed through the beautifully decorated church as she reached for her planner and threw it in anger. Ryan watched the scene unfold before him and his heart broke, knowing that there wasn't anything he could do to make this easier for her.

After a few moments her anger subsided and she just sat there on her knees, her head on the floor. She was breathing heavily and her body was shaking with grief. Ryan got up from his place in the pew and kneeled beside her, pulling her into his arms. He held her close and rocked her back and forth, trying to soothe her, comfort her, trying to do anything that would calm her down a little.

"We have a couple hours before the funeral," Ryan said quietly against her cheek, "Can I take you for brunch or buy you a coffee somewhere? You can take a break and try to calm down before we come back?"

"Can we just go for a walk?" Nicole asked quietly, "Guaranteed I won't be able to keep anything down and I shouldn't have any more coffee today."

"Absolutely," Ryan replied as he reached his hand out to help her off the floor.

Beth was sitting in Anna's living room waiting for her to get ready. Anna had texted Beth right as she left the church saying that she had decided to go to the funeral. Beth thought it was a good idea that Anna decided to come and she figured that Anna would be able to get some sort of closure, although she was unsure of what closure looked like for Anna.