Not What I Expected

Part 19

"Yes, that would be great," Nicole replied gratefully, "Would 10:00 a.m. be ok? I just have to take Hudson to my parents' house and then I will be free."

"Yes, of course," Dr. Mason replied, "I will stop by at 10:00."

Once they said their goodbyes Nicole hung up the phone and breathed a sigh of relief. She didn't think that she would feel up to talking things through so soon, but as soon as Dr. Mason had offered her time, Nicole felt that it was time. She knew that one session with Dr. Mason wasn't going to take away the pain and heartbreak of losing her husband, but at least it was a start.

Ryan had been sitting in his office at work, unable to concentrate. He had woken up early that Saturday morning and thought that throwing himself into work would distract him. He had been wrong. What he saw on that Wednesday evening, the day Chad passed away, had haunted him. He wasn't able to get the sight out of his mind and he wished that Nicole would open up to him. He wished he could hold her and take away the pain, but he knew that wasn't possible.

Flashback (2 Days Ago)

"Excuse me, Mr. Wilson," Dr. Burrows said as she approached him, "Beth has offered to take her sister home, but I was wondering if you would be able to take Nicole home? I know she drove here, but she is unable to drive herself home right now."

Ryan looked up at the doctor unsure of why she was asking him this. Had something happened, he wondered to himself.

"I'm confused," Ryan responded, "What is going on?"

"Oh, I'm sorry, I thought someone told you," Dr. Burrows replied sympathetically, "Mr. Sanders passed away about an hour ago and Nicole refuses to leave his side. I told her to take all the time she needs. Anna, on the other hand, has been informed but refuses to go in and say goodbye and wants to leave."

"Jesus," Ryan mumbled more to himself than to Dr. Burrows before looking up at her again, "Of course I will take her home."

After Dr. Burrows walked away Ryan sat there trying to comprehend the news that she had just given him. He couldn't believe that Chad had died and he couldn't even imagine what Nicole was going through. But he did think it was a little weird that Anna left without saying her goodbyes to Chad.

Ryan stood up and made his way down the hall to Chad's room and took a deep breath before quietly pushing the door open. It was so quiet and dark. The machines had been turned off and there was nothing but eerie silence surrounding him. He looked over towards the bed and he could just make out Chad's figure and Nicole's figure curled up beside him.

He made his way over to the bed and looked down. Nicole's head was resting on Chad's chest and she was crying silently. Her face was a clear picture of what pain, sadness and loss looked like and Nicole was always one to wear her emotions on her sleeve. She had never been able to hide her feelings, no matter how hard she tried, but today she wasn't trying. He moved his eyes from her and focused on Chad for a moment. He looked so peaceful, like he was sleeping. Just by looking at him, you wouldn't be able to tell that he was no longer physically there.

"Nic, sweetheart, we should probably go now," Ryan whispered as he rested his hand on her shoulder.

Nicole looked up at him for the first time and he could see just how heartbroken she was, he could see the pain instantly in her eyes.

"I'm not ready to go yet," she mumbled, "I can't leave him, not yet."

Nicole turned her back on him and laid her head on Chad's chest again. Ryan pulled up a chair and sat by the bed and reached for Nicole's available hand which was hanging loosely by her side. She gripped his hand and they sat there quietly. He was in no rush to make her leave, but it was only a matter of time before the doctors would have to remove Chad from the room.

Ryan rubbed his eyes as the exhaustion kicked in and decided that trying to work during this time was futile. He turned his computer off, tried to tidy up his desk a little and then turned the light off in his office and walked out.

"Jan, I can't concentrate today," Ryan said as he walked down the hall to his assistant's office, "Please cancel my appointments and rebook whatever you can for next week. I'll be in Monday afternoon after the funeral."

"Ok Mr. Wilson," Jan replied sympathetically, "Take care."

Ryan smiled at her as he made his way down the hall towards the bank of elevators. Golf, that should help him take his mind off things for a while and then maybe he would head over to Nicole's and see if she needed any help with funeral preparations.

It was noon on Friday as Nicole sat in her car in front of Anna's apartment. She had received numerous calls and texts from Anna in the last 36 hours and hadn't been able to call her back, but now she was ready to try and face the world again. She had already called Beth and they planned to get together that afternoon and finalize the plans for the funeral. She hadn't had to contact Chad's family as both of his parents had passed away early on in his life and he was an only child.

She walked up to the front door of the apartment building and buzzed Anna and waited patiently.

"Hello," she heard Anna say quietly on the other end.

"Hey sweetheart," Nicole replied, "It's Nicole."

There was no response but a buzz rang through to let her in. Nicole opened the door and took the stairs two at a time to Anna's door. The door was already open when Nicole got there and Anna stood in the doorway, her eyes were red and she had very dark circles under them and she looked about as good as Nicole felt.

"I'm so sorry Anna that I didn't respond to your calls and messages," Nicole said after Anna let her in, "I shouldn't have shut you out."

"It's ok...I understand," Anna said as she shut the door and then sat down at the kitchen table across from Nicole, "Despite what we put you through I knew that you would respond eventually. And this can't be easy for you, dealing with the loss of your husband."

"Still, I should have responded to you," Nicole stated, noticing that Anna was trying hard not to let the tears fall, "Anna, what's wrong?"

Anna looked at Nicole for a moment before she crumbled. The sobs that escaped from Anna's throat shook Nicole to her core and haunted her. She reached across the table and held Anna's hand in hers, trying to comfort her as best she could without knowing what was going on inside of Anna.

"Anna, please try to breathe and tell me what's going on?" Nicole pleaded quietly, "What can I do?"

"The...the stress of losing Chad...it was too much," Anna stammered, trying to get control of the sobs that had taken over, "It was too much for the baby...I miscarried last night, but I couldn't tell anybody. Nicole, the only person I wanted to tell was you. I had to go to the hospital, so I took a cab and they released me early this morning. I'm devastated..."

Nicole should have been happy when Anna broke the news to her, but in fact, she felt the opposite of happy. Her heart sank in her chest and the tears threatened to fall, but she refused to cry in front of Anna. She had to be strong for Anna.

"Anna...I don't know what to say," Nicole whispered as she rubbed her thumb in small circles over Anna's hand, "I wish I could rewind back to yesterday so that I could have been there with you. I'm so sorry for your loss."

"Thank you Nicole," Anna replied mechanically, "I appreciate your friendship during this even though I put you through hell over the last several months. Most people would probably have just left me to deal on my own, but you are different than most people. Thank you for your compassion."

Nicole nodded and smiled sadly at Anna, unsure of how to respond. Being the bigger person was the hardest thing she had to do, but she knew she would feel horrible if she just abandoned Anna during a difficult time such as this one. It would just be cruel to leave her to deal with it on her own.

"I'm here for you Anna," Nicole said quietly, "If you need anything at all."