Many people say I'm too rude or something like that and they think I always say what's on my mind and what I think but they don't know anything¡¡ I rarely say what I think I just accept what I've been told, apologize and say nothing else, agreeing that it was my fault it was like this for 12 years, since almost 3 years I got a little bit more open but that's just bc I'm weak and I wish I wouldn't so I could hide everything, anygay I'm still hiding much. So I started this book so I could sometimes tell someone my mind or my opinion somehow. I'm kinda sad that I have to hide even in here bc of a reason but I can't do anything about it I tried but I couldn't.
I just wanted to say that I'm sick and tired of this bullshit and on the inside I'm hurting myself right now saying it's my fault and shit and how I feel nothing bc I kinda did lose some feelings, you know when some broken people say they're numb it's true, I myself feel numb sometimes just like right now that doesn't mean they're bad persons not at all¡¡¡ But I feel like I am...and I'm so sick of this¡¡¡ I'm in school right now and I may look fine for my friends but I'm hurting the inside and I can't even cry just like I said I feel numb but at the same time I'm suffering.
Do you remember when they asked you if you wanted me to die? That time when we had a fight? And you told them you wanted to die? And when they asked me and I told them ofcourse not! DO YOU REMEMBER??!! NO!! NO YOU DON'T BUT I DO AND IT'S HAUNTING ME IN MY DREAMS!!! But you...y-you-
It hurts.
It hurts so fucking much!!
You know?
I wish I would die too.
I really hope I do.
Isn't that what you wanted??
Isn't that what everyone's wanting??
It is right??
Except for my true friends..
I'm sorry guys^^
Update: I'm currently at the nurse office I feel like imma collapse any second
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«𝑺𝒂𝒅 𝒃𝒖𝒕 𝒕𝒓𝒖𝒆»
PoetryH̸o̸n̸e̸s̸t̸l̸y̸ I̸ d̸o̸n̸'t̸ e̸v̸e̸n̸ k̸n̸o̸w̸ a̸n̸y̸m̸o̸r̸e̸ m̸a̸n̸ Ranking 《#3 hatemyself》 《#10 lovemyself》 《#11 tired》
