The Essence of Water

OLD VERSION Chapter 6

             For all the times I imagined myself leaving this house, I never once thought what I would pack. Nor did it ever cross my mind that everything would fit into a backpack. The reality is somewhat depressing. No photos.  No books. No toys. I wish I had more to pack. It would give me a reason to stall. The Handlers are downstairs with Henry and Gretchen. The look on her face when Mr. Handler told her was the same face she'd given me all these years, but this time, she actually looked satisfied. As though she finally had a real excuse as to why I was such a disappointment, why her parenting skills hadn't helped in taming my 'rebellious intentions'. Henry however was a slew of emotions, I had to go upstairs, I couldn't bear to see him, mainly because I felt like crying in piece. Henry actually cared. Maybe he cared because he saw me like a loyal pet now. Something lucky to keep around the house, but he called me his daughter, that meant something, it had to.

                So I cried while I found my school backpack. Cried when I packed some socks and cried when I packed my jeans. But my tears stopped somewhere between pants and shirts. And the emotions stopped somewhere between shirts and hoodie. Now I feel numb. Numb because I can't afford to be anything else. My brain won't let me think of the word that is brewing in my stomach. Because if I speak it, I might vomit...I might run and the rest of me may never catch up.

                There is a tap on my door. My hand tightens around one of the shoulder straps to my bag. "Yes?"

                "Adie?" The door swings open, its Mrs. Handler. She looks at my bag and my face then offers me a sad smile. I'm not sure if it's real. "It's time to go."

                I swallow but there's nothing there. My mouth is dry. My throat is scratchy. I feel as though I'm shriveling up. That soon there will be nothing but a pile of clothes and a pair of old shoes on the ground. "OK." I swing the bag onto one shoulder and look around the room that was never mine. For the first time, I feel that this place is home. I wish I had felt it sooner, had more time to feel alive. Mrs. Handler walks behind me, one hand gently on my shoulder. At the bottom of the steps Mr. Handler waits by the open door, Gretchen and Henry are there also, so is Jack.

                Gretchen says absolutely nothing, Jack whines and pressing his nose to Henry's good leg. He knows something is wrong. Henry opens his arms and I hug him past the crutches. Still no tears. He strokes my hair once and kisses my forehead. I will always remember him with the scent of wool. "Don't ever forget who you are Adie." He says, his eyes look wet but he's not crying either. I nod and look at Gretchen. She still has nothing to say, so I say it for her.

                "Thanks for feeding me." She sniffs and looks away. I know that's all of a goodbye I'll get. I go down to one knee and hug Jack. I bury my face into his soft fur and stroke his ears. "Bye Jack." He drops his head as if he actually understands.

                "Time to go." Mrs. Handler places a hand on my shoulder again and I offer Henry one last smile. It's the best I can muster, but it's pathetic, and I know it. I turn my back on them, and walk out the door. The sun is preparing to lower itself onto the horizon, and in the distance I see large whipped clouds that reach to high heights. A black expensive looking car sits in the road outside the house.

                It feels too quiet. I expected the town to be pressing in around me with pitchforks and torches shouting 'burn the witch' or something. But the road is quiet, and in the distance I can hear the bleating sheep and Mr. Melberry's dogs. Mr. Handler steps ahead of me and opens the trunk of the car. "I'll put your bag back here." I hesitate, feeling that without the bag I'll be completely vulnerable, but I know immediately it's a stupid thought.