The Essence of Water

NEW VERSION Chapter 10

I can only guess at how much time passes. I spend so much time under drugs and hallucinations and darkness that it's hard to know. But I've stopped caring about time. It's my mind I'm worried about, my own sanity.

I haven't been able to connect to water since after the fight with the betrayer. Not even the water in my own blood responds to my plea for help. I'm alone, for the first time since running from Henry's I'm completely on my own. It scares me more than I'd like to admit. What's more, at night when I catch moments of sleep, my dreams have begun to fade; my memories grow duller with each passing day. My body has begun to forget the colors of the world and the light of the sky or the warmth of the sun. It's fading away. Everything is black and cold. I can do nothing to stop it from slipping away. I'm losing energy. I hate that I'm losing energy. Two weeks, maybe more maybe less but still, I expected to be better than this, to survive longer, to endure, to be stronger.

But this place is sucking the very life from me. The atmosphere and the mood, day after day is slowly soaks past my skin and into my very spirit. There is no hope. Sometimes in the stillness I hear the faint screams of other prisoners, in a sick way it reminds me that I'm not alone down here, but then it makes me realize that I am still just one person. With so many others trapped here, why should I be any different, why should I be the one to escape this fate?

I start to lose blocks of time. One moment I'm in the lab or in my cell and the next I'm being escorted somewhere. I can't recall ever being moved or waking up or falling asleep. Slowly and steadily, my mind is slipping between my fingers. What scares me most is that I'm letting it. I'm not fighting to remember. I want to forget. I want the bliss that comes with being drugged. It's easier than remembering, easier than pain.

I drift and find a void within my mind and I step into it.

I forget.

I give in.

I let go.

A sweet voice sings to me, her voice soft and soothing like a quiet kiss of wind on a hot summer day. I could listen forever. Everything is dark, but it's warm. A strong heartbeat is in my ears, envelopes my body like a blanket.

"She's too young," a male's voice finally interrupts the singing. He sounds irritated and desperate at the same time.

"I think I feel something besides, we can't afford not to try. There's no harm in it," is her reply. She sounds calmer and more hopeful than the male. Their voices are familiar and soothing, like old friends long forgotten then remembered once more. I am comforted by their voices.

"What happens if it doesn't work? Then everything we've done will have been for nothing," his voice sounds beaten. I wonder what he is so worried about and how the woman can sound so calm while he so frantic.

"No, not nothing," she soothes. "Everything we do is for her. Even if our attempts come to nothing in the end, at least we tried to make things better for her. All we can hope for is that she will grow strong and have a chance to live a peaceful life. Perhaps things will change; we do not hold the power to see the future but we do have power so we must do what we can. This is the only hope we have that our daughter will know us, for us to speak to her and guide her. So we must try."

"And if we die before we can be of any help?" he asks sadly.

She sighs like a smile, "Then she'll have your strength and my personality."

There is silence for a moment, "And your looks..." the male says hopeful.

She chuckles and then she starts to sing again. It is a lullaby, one I've never heard before, but I find myself yawning, content and at peace.