Cold Brew and Bullets (Part 1 of the Syndicate Series)

Chapter 17- Nightmares of Memories

Eliana:

I was in the dark again, a thin strip of moonlight spilled onto the stone floor in front of me. This wasn't right, I wasn't supposed to be here, I was supposed to be with Alessio, I was supposed to be safe. This couldn't be real, it had to be a dream. As the door in front of me opened and the man strode in, I realized that it wasn't a dream at all- it was a memory.

This was nothing unusual. Guilt and fear had warped my memories into nightmares for years, I rarely slept through the night because of them. This was one of the first times that I knew it couldn't be real, because Alessio was my lifeline, I knew that with him, this wouldn't happen again.

It didn't make the nightmare any less terrifying when you're in it, however.

The man was back, the one that I had taken down by kicking him in the nose. He was circling me as I hung by my wrists. Everytime he strode behind me and I couldn't turn to face him, the hair on the back of my next rose. This man knew that his other methods wouldn't work, intimidation and light torture hadn't been enough to make me confess anything yet.

"I was talking to the men who found you and brought you here. To make this a little easier and get started, I asked them if there was anything they could tell me about you. The funny thing was.... They couldn't. There is almost nothing on file for you, no family and no friends, pretty much just a place of work." It seemed as though he was trying something else.... Emotional attacks. I tried to focus on his accent and how grating his voice was on my ears.

He stopped his pacing and gripped my waist, swinging me closer to him even though I weakly kicked my legs, knowing it wouldn't be enough to make him relinquish me." You're completely alone. My men tell me that you don't have a single picture in your apartment, no drawer with your boyfriend's clothes, nothing that displays a real relationship."

Some part of me broke, it almost felt like my sternum had snapped in half and was continuously just collapsing in on itself. I let myself feel for just a moment, I stopped dissociating and let my situation hit me completely. I was starved, I was hurt, I wanted this to end. Punches and cuts I could handle, but thinking about the fact that if was losing Ezrah to cancer, and even if I got out of here, he would be gone soon. All that bubbled to my mouth in response was a laugh. It was cold and aloof, it didn't even sound like something that could have come from my own throat.

The man holding my hips stepped back, moving his lips away from my collarbone to glance at my twisted expression in shock. I stared at him dead in the eyes, repeating the truth that I had long ago discovered. "Everyone dies or leaves. Why should I build relationships when they never last? I have no need for them. People are better alone, don't you think?"

He glared at my thin voice and weak mocking. "So when you die alone, maybe here tomorrow or in the future, you want no one to mourn you? If they ever find your body in the river, you'll sit in a freezer, unclaimed until the state decides to get rid of your body. No one will want you."

My eyelids were fighting, my mind wanted to shut down, to stop processing the pain and his touch roaming my bare shoulders. I did what I could to glare, but I knew that it couldn't be intimidating, "Either your friends and family hurt you, or you have to hurt them. Life is about ensuring that you don't have to feel the pain of loss, so why set yourself up for the inevitable?"

His face morphed and twisted in anger, realizing that he couldn't get to me that way. I was doing everything possible to stop him from realizing that there was indeed a deep hole in my chest, becoming worse when I thought about everyone that I had loved and lost. I just had to keep it up long enough for him to leave, then I could fall apart again. I had been horrible at following my own philosophy, and right now I was regretting it.