The Reason

4

Due to the loss of memories, nawalan ako ng gana mabuhay. I smoked, I drunk, I played with girls, I involved myself into fights. Baka sakaling pag nabagok uli ang ulo ko maalala ko na lahat. That's why everyone knows me as the gangster cassanova.

All the time, my head kept on flashing a shadow of a girl in my dreams, her face was faded out or she's faced on the other side and not to me. I don't see her face clearly, sa dami nang nakasalamuha kong babae, wala sa kanila nakapagpaalala saken. I kept asking my parents about her, but they don't tell me anything.

"Baka naman hindi babae yan nak"

"Ma I know the difference between a girl and a man! I'm sure it's a girl ma!"

"I don't know anything son, sorry"

I've spent years finding the answers to my memories. I've spent my life trying to escape the darkness I'm in. Gustong gusto ko nang maalala ang lahat non, until I came across Belinda, again.

At first, I didn't bother about her, she doesn't even know me as well. I'm not "interested" in her either. We were both strangers in each other's eyes. Pero nagkaroon ng time nagkatitigan kaming dalwa, sumakit ang ulo ko ng sobra sobra.

That's when memories came flashing back to me. That's when I knew it's her that I see in my dreams, my Bela. My Bela came back, but she doesn't remember me, she doesn't remember us.

The day I remembered everything, I confronted my parents about it.

"I was asking you about Bela ma! You're telling me you don't know when in fact you do!"

"Sorry nak w-we just don't want you to remember the accident that happened and isa pa, Belinda's family cut all their contacts with us."

"It's like telling me not to remember anymore ma!"

"Sorry son, it's just too complicated"

"Why?!"

"Para sa kanila tayo ang rason bakit naaksidente si Belinda, kung bakit wala siyang maalala"

"Ma! 4 years din akong nangangapa! Di ko naalala yung taong mahal ko! Sa tingin ba nila ginusto kong mangyare yon?! To forget her?! That's bullshit ma!"

"Son, you need to calm down"

"How am I going to calm down when Bela is back?!"

"What?!"

"She's a transferee in school. S-she doesn't know me ma, pa"

"Oh my gosh"

After remembering everything, I always watch her from a distance. How are you my Bela? Are you doing fine now? Why... why is your memories still not coming back. Have you really forgotten about me? About us?

I can't approach her. I... I don't know how to approach her. She knows me as an asshole, a shthead. She doesn't care about me. My Bela doesn't remember me.

One time while I was following her, I noticed how she smiled, how she blushed while looking somewhere. Like the way she did with me. When I scanned the location where she's looking, I saw Gino.

S-she likes Gino?

No. Not this time. Not again. I-I have to do something.

I knew Gino had something to do with what happened, I just don't have any proofs yet.

I have to do something, she doesn't know the real Gino yet. She's unaware. Sino bang mag-aakala na yung sobrang talino at "bait" na tao, as everyone seems to see, ehh may nakatagong sungay sa ulo?

My Bela, he's not what you thought he is, don't worry, I'll do anything just to bring you back, you and your memories, to me. I love you, my Bela.

I'm just here staring at her, I hid just because I don't want anyone to see me being a statue staring at one person. Kuntento na ko sa ngayon sa ganito, nakikita kitang masaya. Nakikita kitang maayos ka, buhay ka. Kailan mo kaya ako maaalala?

From a distance, I saw Gino. He's intently looking at my Bela. He was about to approach her when I got his attention

"Ang bait bait mo naman 😏"

"What?"

"How's your good boy image Gino Salazar?"

"What are you talking about this time?"

"Hah. Ang galing mo talaga umarte kahit kailan ano? The good soul. Walang kapalpakan? Walang kagaguhan. Teka wala nga ba? 😏"

"Ano ba pinagsasasabi mo Patrick?"

"Oh you know what I'm talking about. Believe me. You do. Better than anyone else here"

"Bahala ka nga dyan sa buhay mo"

"Of course! Ako naman talaga bahala sa buhay ko. Matagal na"

Umalis na ko pero pagdaan ko sa kanya bumulong siya

"I guess you're back now? 😏"

This asshole! May oras ka din saken!

With the scene we had, I caught her attention, no erase that. He caught her attention. I should be the one you see Bela... not him.

I can't stop myself, I went to her but it seems like she didn't notice. I'm stopping myself so bad from hugging her. Holding her hands, having her in my arms, but I can't. She's looking behind her back when I decided to lean my face closer to hers, I wanted to kiss her so bad. My Bela. You're alive. You're here. Pagharap niya sobrang lapit ng mukha namin sa isa't isa. She's really the most beautiful girl for me. Even up close, she's gorgeous.

"Talking about me?"

"No?!"

"Ahuh. Yes you are"

"Oh alam mo naman pala nagtatanong ka pa!"

She's really cute when she's mad

"Don't push me away darling"

I was hoping she'd remember something about calling me her darling.

"Yak! Ew! Darling ampota. Yaaak! Tara na nga Elena!"

That's what you call me before Bela :(

"Hey! See you later! Haha"

"Bye Patrick!" Sabi nung friend niya

"Elena!"

When they were already far from me, a tear escaped my eyes. I wiped it off as soon as possible, baka may makakita pa. If this is the only way I can be with you again, kahit inis na inis ka saken, di kita titigilan my Bela. I'll do my best to help you get back. Andito na ko Bela...