To This Day

Chapter Sixteen: Hail Mary

Maya held up her free hand as though to tame me, a wry smile on her face. "Woah, Sydney, calm down a second. I've only spoken to him once since, uh, it happened, and that was last night. He messaged me when I was about to go to sleep, but I was obviously going to tell you today."

In relief, the red that had flashed before my eyes a moment ago filtered down to a pale pink. Still, I was on edge about the fact that Carter had decided to talk to Maya, not me. I knew they were friends in their own right, but surely when he thought of her, I came to mind. Had he simply thought of me then pushed that away in favour of her? Had the other night not been the step towards a breakthrough between us that I'd felt like it was?

"What did he say?"

Maya moved to the kitchen table and took a sip of her coffee. Remembering that I'd made it for myself, I quickly poured myself a cup, then sat down opposite her, watching her closely. It occurred to me that I'd positioned myself as though I was facing her over an interrogation desk, but I hoped that wouldn't occur to her.

"He wanted to know how you are," she told me.

My heart skipped a beat. As much as I wished that he would have just messaged me to ask personally, it was comforting to know that he was thinking about me the way I was him.

"What did you tell him?" I asked tentatively.

Maya shrugged. "I told him the truth - that you're okay. But also that you miss him."

Surprisingly, I realised that I wasn't embarrassed that she had told Carter that I missed him. I supposed I was simply past hiding things from him and definitely way beyond playing nonchalant; it was true, of course, I missed him desperately. Why shouldn't he know that? He knew I was in love with him, after all, so the fact that I missed him would hardly come as a surprise.

Slowly, letting myself process what Maya had said since entering the kitchen barely five minutes ago, I took a few long sips of my coffee. My hands wrapped around the cup, letting the heat seep into my skin and shutting my eyes for a moment.

"So, what else did you talk about?" I asked eventually.

"He told me about this football game that's happening tomorrow. Something about the first-string being injured so he's filling in. Sounds like a big deal. I think he wants you to be there."

"Why do you think that?" I felt my heart beat a little harder. A buzz of nerves started up in the pit of my stomach.

"Think about it, Sydney," she said, as though it was obvious. "We haven't spoken in ages and then he randomly messages me - one of your best friends and your roommate - to tell me that he has this game tomorrow. The only way to be less subtle would be to directly ask me to invite you along."

It did make sense. I understood why he might choose talking to Maya instead of me; after this long without talking to each other - or at least talking to each other whilst both sober - it sometimes felt like an insurmountable barricade just to hit send on a message. I would know; there had been plenty of nights where my thumb had hovered over the send button only to feel my rush of courage dissipate, quickly deleting my words and closing the app. Communication was far from our strong suit.

Ever since Kyle's message, I'd been thinking of going to one of Carter's games. I'd put off finding out exactly when they were out of fear - fear of what I would say, what I would do, how he would react. But now this opportunity had fallen in my lap, a second (or third, or fourth) chance that we probably didn't deserve but that I would cling to with both hands.

So now I had roughly twenty-four hours to somehow figure everything out. So much for my peaceful day I had planned. I needed some kind of speech in mind so that I wouldn't freeze up and be unable to finally say everything I had built up inside of me. I knew from too many past experiences that the moment I got close to him, I had a tendency to just melt. On top of that, I needed an outfit a little more alluring than my current attire.