The God Complex: The Book Of Alan, Destroyer Of Worlds

Chapter Fifteen

'Something like what?

'Flake out of your promise. You've been at training for a week and you're already making excuses.'

'How is this an excuse?' Said Gabe astounded. 'I'm not making an excuse, I'm still going back but I'm trying to explain to you that a psychopath is trying...'

'Good,' Tiffany interrupted. 'Then simply show him how good you are and you'll win him over. Eden is under so much pressure to train people to free up their existing pilots that they can't afford to kill you. If you make him realise how good he'll look when you get the pilot's role then he'll want you to succeed.'

She ran her fingers through his hair, it was still hot from the heat of the cup as her voice softened. 'You remember what he was like, he looks for weakness so he can test people. So let him test you, he's not going to risk everyone's lives by letting just anyone pilot that shuttle, there's too much at stake. It's like Rupert said, 'we're talking about survival here. Good enough is no longer good enough, we have to be the best to survive.' That's what you need to be, Gabe, the best, and stop with the excuses.'

That night Gabe found precious little sleep to speak of, just the same feeling of helplessness manifesting itself into his waking dreams: A long dark cave, devoid of hope, filled with threat, yet nowhere to go but forward.

Eventually after another hour of listening to the clock tick, he got up and once more found himself walking through the gates at YAMA pharmaceuticals. It was a quiet morning, almost peaceful as he fumbled for his pass and made his way into reception.

Monkey was waiting for him under the giant monument of Supreme Leader Abaddon. When he saw Gabe walking towards him, he waved his two bacon sandwiches in greeting, inadvertently spraying grease and red sauce across the word 'Paradise.'

Walking toward the simulator, through what would have been the marketing department, Gabe was still far too racked in self-doubt to hear what Monkey was saying. He knew Commander Cain and how close he came to seriously hurting him at the hands of his simulator, yet it still made no sense why he would hate him so much he wanted him dead?

Maybe Tiff was right, he'd never had to face this side of Commander Cain before, maybe it was all a test to see if he'd fight or run away at the first sign of trouble.

The walls of the corridor were still strewn with sandy beaches and hyperactive puppies chasing life-affirming white middle-class, heterosexual couples, who smiled their perfect smiles and stared back at him through cold, dead eyes.

'You see, the problem with marketing happiness is that it's nearly impossible to define,' Monkey continued. I mean what is it? Is it the most moral action that causes the highest amount of pleasure after deducting the suffering of anyone involved in any action...'

Gabe listened to the sound his feet made as he shuffled his way across the carpet, an audible marker of how mentally and physically fatigued he was after just one day in the simulator. He knew he couldn't continue like this, he had to find a way of getting Commander Cain onside, or at the very least let him know he won't be scared off, no matter how much he threatened him.

'Or is it something less utilitarian and more of an egotistical act that is guided by self-interest and the desire for pleasure, oh hi, Hayley. Thanks very much, I washed it last night. Where was I?' Monkey continued to smooth out his beard as he wrestled his own philosophical conundrum.

'Maybe it's about the purity of happiness? That overwhelming sense of uncontrollable joy like when you choke a dog...'

'Hold that thought, Monkey. There's Commander Cain up there.'

'Oh, you want to double back to avoid him?'

'Not quite, I want to clear up what happened yesterday you know, nip it in the bud.'

'You sure that's a good idea, geezer?' said Monkey cautiously.

'Yeah,' said Gabe, fraught with trepidation. 'We have some history between us but I know him, I know how his mind works. He's trying to test me, see if I'll face up to the challenge or run and hide. If he has to pick someone to take on the responsibility of piloting the YAMA and everyone on board, he has to know they're made of the right stuff right? He's looking for cracks, it's primal fight or flight stuff, you know?'

'For the record,' said Monkey, still smoothing out his beard. 'I'm against it.'

'Duly noted,' said Gabe jogging lightly to catch up with Cain.

'Training Commander Cain, sir.'

The Commander spun on his heels at the sound of his name and locked eyes with Cadet Gabe. His stony face and homicidal glare no less intimidating for the years that had passed between them.

Gabe swallowed hard and began. 'Commander Cain, sir, I just wanted to let you know that I get it. I understand why you're giving me a hard time after what happened between us and I can see how you would have your doubts. You doubt if I can hack it up there, if I'm going to run the second things start to get tough, which is why I need to prove myself all over again, and I will. I'm the best pilot you have here so I'm not going to be scared off by your threats and no matter what happens I'm not going to quit. I just wanted you to know that so we can get past this and start again.'

A broad smile spread across Commander Cain's grizzled features and Gabe finally started to feel a weight lift from his shoulders.

Training Commander Cain leaned in towards Gabe's ear and sighed methodically. 'You clearly don't get it at all, do you?' His voice measured and calm. 'This isn't some two-bit, mind-game test. Hell, you really think anyone gives a tiny rat's ass if you're good enough to pilot that thing? Don't waste my time. Only cadets that complete the full training on the simulator will be considered capable of piloting that vessel and that will not be you. You know what your problem is, cadet? You think after a couple weeks of giving you a hard time, I'm gonna to see the light and we'll hug it out and fly off into the sunset, don't you? Well let me tell you now, cadet, we won't, because I made you a promise ten years ago and I mean to keep it.'

He took half a step back to look Gabe square in the eyes, measuring his reaction. Gabe stayed as still as he could.

'Maybe you think I'm bluffing? Maybe you think anyone cares if a civilian or a EDEN Commander pilots the YAMA? Hell, maybe you think you're doing us all a favour here? Maybe you think you're somehow special or that what we do here is policed?'

He began to laugh bitterly, inches from Gabe's face.

'That maybe your pathetic life during your training here is somehow important to anyone? That should something unfortunate happen to you there would be some big EDEN military hearing where justice would be served?'

A Broad knowing smile took up residence across his weathered face.

'Maybe your life is important, cadet,' he slapped Gabe aggressively on the shoulder in mock friendship. 'I'll tell you what, let's go find out together.'

As Gabe watched him purposefully march off, whistling to himself, he could feel the back of his neck burning up as any hope of surviving training faded, bringing with it tidal waves of fear crashing down upon him. The swell had been building for ten years since the day he quit EDEN, it had always been there, he just didn't want to look up and acknowledge it.

Monkey approached the shell-shocked Gabe still vacantly staring at the wall and put a friendly arm on his shoulder.

'I'm not going to say I told you so,' he said kindly. 'But if you want to make a run for it, now would be as good a time as any.'

'He's just trying to scare you,' was all he heard Gabe whisper to himself as he stumbled towards the Simulator.