When I Can Tell You

Four

"What did Hansol say about... ya know?" Xero asked while twisting a shiny earring through his ear.

"Umm..." Byungjoo ran his fingers through his hair still in disbelief of how considerate and compassionate Hansol had been. "He just kinda distracted me; told me if I needed to talk about anything he was there for me, but that I didn't need to explain what happened... so we just watched Harry Potter."

"Wait," the blonde boy turned to face his hyung, "you had the golden opportunity... and you still didn't tell him!?" Xero was astonished at his embarassed brother, and stared wide-eyed at him waiting for a proper answer.

"Ani..." B-Joo buried his face into his hands, "I wasn't ready, Xero-ssi."

"B-Joo-ah! You are never ready! I have told you and told you to tell him damnit," Xero exclaimed while pacing over the room flailing his arms about. "Take it from me, that boy has been friends with you for as long as we've lived here which is what? 9 years!? I don't care if you aren't ready to tell him, he is ready to hear it! B-Joo how would feel if Hansol concealed shit about himself like that from you!?" Xero ran his fingers through his hair in frustration "You know hyung, for you being the hyung it seems like I'm the one always giving you pep-talks and advice."

"Xero you don't understand..." Byungjoo just shook his head.

"WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN I DON'T UNDERSTAND!? Do you not remember me telling you that I told Seogoong and Hojoon! Do you think it was easier for me!? Seogoong and I are just as fucking close as you and Hansol, aside from the liking eachother part, but did you think I was ever ready!? It took me 4 years to tell Seogoong and 6 to tell Hojoon, and still I was never ready! I told them, because they tell me everything and it was like a giant weight on my shoulders. Byungjoo... it's fucking heavy as hell to hold that on your shoulders for so long. It will bring you so much relief if you just fucking tell him. He of all people who loves you in clearly more ways than one would be understanding! And if you think about it, what would you think if it were his family? Nothing.... you would think nothing different of him. We think people will take it much worse than they actually do. Please fucking tell him."

Byungjoo stared wide-eyed at his depleted brother, taking in every word he had just spewed. They had definitely had their fair share of serious conversations, however they had never talked to one another with the intensity and seriousness Xero had portrayed just then.

"What if he doesn't understand the dreams and thinks I'm crazy? What if he thinks I will..." A lump formed in B-Joo's throat and his eyes became watery. "I don't want him to think that I will... just because she did... and we both have those dreams..." Byungjoo had a number of droplets pouring down his cheeks at this point while he tried to hold back the sobs from escaping his throat.

Xero sat next to his hyung and and put his head in his hands. B-Joo couldn't tell over his own sobs, but his little brother, who was sat right next to him, cried just as hard.

It was hard to think about for Xero. The vivid dream of his brother coated in blood on the bathroom floor had occured way to many times and just the mere thought of it upset the tall, blonde boy. But B-Joo was distraught on top of it which only upset him more. "Hyung, Hansol is my friend too." Xero sniffled after moments of crying silence had passed between them.

"I know."

"So if you want... I can tell him," Xero suggested.

Byungjoo's still teary eyes met just that of his brother. "No Xero," he feverishly shook his head, "thank you, but if he finds out, it needs to be from me... because I... I want him to know I trust him, and I want... it's just I... I wouldn't feel right if you..."

Xero placed his hand on the small of his hyung's back to let the other know he understood. "You can do it Joo." The younger boy pulled his brother into a warm, comforting hug before sending a smile his way and exiting the room. B-Joo was left all alone to ponder the unusually deep conversation that had just taken place, and his conclusion was inevitable... to tell Kim Hansol everything.