The Elite

Twenty-Six

And then I realized what I was doing. And screamed myself.

I screamed even louder than Leon as I scrambled off of him. I felt terrified — my heartbeat was erratic and my breathing was labored, like I'd just been running for my life. I couldn't believe I'd ever do something so awful, no matter how angry I was. Whatever just happened to me, I couldn't possibly believe I was in full control of myself. Never would I even imagine causing pain like that, especially to a friend of mine. It wasn't me that just did that. It couldn't have been.

"Julian?" Leon asked, his face full of worry. "Are you okay?"

In a most ungraceful manner, I burst in tears, my body racking with sobs. I couldn't believe I had done something horrendous, and the fact that I had was eating me alive. It made me feel completely awful — like a monster that didn't deserve to live because it was so terrible.

"Julian, it's okay," Leon said. "It's not your fault."

I stared at him through my tear-blurred vision, wondering why he seemed so assured of that. I had hurt him, and that wasn't okay. It was all my terrible fault.

"He's right," Katrina said. "Your eyes... they turned black."

Although Katrina sounded comforting, I didn't fail to notice that it almost sounded like she thought it was unfair that I had an excuse for doing wrong, but she didn't. Normally, I would have comforted her, but I was feeling to distressed to do it now.

Distressed was probably too weak of a word. My feelings were a lot stronger than "distressed". Saying it was gut-wrenching or traumatic was an understatement. Even to say it was agonizing felt like it wasn't enough. Even as I scooted towards Leon to heal his finger, I knew there was no undoing what I had just done. It was horrible and everyone deserved to hate me a million times over for it.

It seemed Tass fully agreed with me on that point, because, before I could get to him, she forcibly tackled me away from him.

"Don't hurt him!" she yelled in my face.

"I'm trying to heal him!" I yelled back.

"Then why the hell did you attack him?"

"I didn't mean too! I got possessed or something!"

Just thinking about it wanted to make me puke up my guts. If Tass was in any way sane, she would understand that there was no way I'd harm Leon of my own accord.

Unfortunately, Tass wasn't fully sane.

"Possessed?" she spat. "You're supposed to be an amazing liar, but that's the best you can come up with?"

"I'm not lying! It's the truth!" I defended.

"Yeah, right," Tass said, pressing her arm to my neck. "You're an evil traitor."

"I'm not a traitor. There was just something inside me that was like a personality that wanted me to do what I did," I tried to explain. "It just took over me."

She had to understand that it wasn't something I did normally. I wouldn't hurt Leon and I wouldn't hurt Tass like she feared.

"Lies," Tass argued.

"Why are you so insistent that it's my fault?" I asked. "You seem incapable of thinking it's anyone but me. Why? What is it about me?"

"You're my friend," Tass blurted out.

The world seemed to freeze, my mouth hanging open, unable to come up with a retort. I could hardly believe Tass had just said that to me, for it seemed something she'd never say, especially now. To hear her say that was such a huge shock I couldn't help but wonder if the world was ending.