𝐏𝐥𝐚𝐜𝐞𝐛𝐨 𝐄𝐟𝐟𝐞𝐜𝐭 // 𝐁.𝐇

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[Not proof-read sorry]

His eyes stared deep into mine, as if wanting to drown me in his gaze.

I didn't know how to reply. I didn't expect that reply. I wasn't upset about it, of course I wasn't, but I wasn't sure how to feel about it either.

I knew fairytales weren't real, I had learned that a long time ago. And no matter how much I wanted my very own happy every after, our relationship wasn't headed there and we both knew it.

"What?" My voice is barely above a whisper, as if I'll be reprimanded for speaking too loud.

He holds his breath before clenching his jaw. "You heard me." It isn't stern but rather as if he had just released a breath he'd been holding. "I want all that too."

My mind is going too fast for me to grasp one thought. "No." Is the first clear thing that comes out of my mouth.

Great, way to go.

Billy's brows furrow, a hurt expression taking over his features.

He doesn't need to ask me to continue, "No you don't." I spit, my bottom lip threatening to tear as my teeth harshly bite down on it.

"Yes. Yes I do." He says, harsher this time. "You don't know what I want."

I open my mouth to rebuttal, but he quickly interrupts.

"I want this. I want this more than I've ever wanted anything." He gets closer to me, causing my breath to hitch and for me to back away from him.

I shake my head as my nose begins to sting, my feet forcing me to back up. "Stop it." I whisper, tears gather in my eyes again. "Stop doing that," my voice breaks, "please."

His brows knit even more, he continues getting closer to me. "Why don't you believe me?" He asks, his hands now on my waist.

I don't look at him, I can't. "Because I don't know what I'll do when you realize this is a mistake." I mumble, my heart beating in my chest so fast, I can hear it.

A frown makes its way to his plump lips, "What are you talking about, Lia?" He asks, swallowing a gulp neither of us knew was there.

I stay quiet, still avoiding his accusing glares. "I just...forget it." I push his arms away, "I think I should go home." I begin walking away, ready to grab my things to go home and cry some more.

But as always, Billy won't stop until he gets an answer. So like always, he gets ahold of my arm, his grip like iron and pulling me back into him.

"No. You don't get to just leave. Not today. Just say it. You brought this up, you started this, so end it." He demands, his guard suddenly standing.

"I can't fight anymore Billy, just take me home." I whimper, my tears threading to fall. Stop fuckïng crying.

He takes a deep breath, eyes closing to calm himself down. "We're not fighting. So, I'm going to ask this once," he warns, his grasp on me loosening slightly. "Just once and then, we'll go. I promise."

I stay silent, allowing him to have it his way. Because I knew that Billy would keep his promise, at least I hoped so.

The walls around us no longer felt freeing, like getting out of a hell town we had to call home. Instead it was suffocating and made my chest heavy.

I look around the room, avoiding his eyes as I bite the inside of my cheek. "This is a mistake Billy." My nose begins to sting again, "I mean, you know this, don't you?" I finally gather the courage to look at him.

A small frown plays on his lips, his jaw hardened and brows knitted. He was hurt. I hurt him but I knew we had to be honest about where this was going or rather, where it wasn't.

I huff, taking a seat on the bed. "We started as a fling, it was a distraction, a really nice distraction." I start, avoiding his hurt gaze. "This wasn't suppose to happen. Not this adventure and not the ones we've had before."

By now tears are rolling down my cheeks and my hands cover my face. "I loved it, Billy. I really fuckïng did. But we can't keep doing this. I can't keep doing this." I finally say, my breath ragged as I realize what I said.

Looking up to him, he shakes his head, tears forming in his eyes. He scoffs, as if I told him a shïtty joke. "That's bullshît, Lia."

My lip trembles but I know what I have to do. "I'm done, Billy. I just can't keep waiting for something that isn't going to happen." I confess, wiping my tears. "We won't get a happy ever after, I won't get a happy ever after."

He gets closer to me, his tear stained cheeks making my stomach churn, as the only other time I've seen him cry was when Neil hurt him.

I'm so much worse than Neil.

"No." He starts, shaking his head while crouching down in front of me. "No, listen, baby. We'll figure it out. I promise, I...I'll fix it, whatever is wrong I'll fix it, I promise." His voice is breaking and I want nothing more than to kiss him and forget all of this.

But I know what's best for us. For him. I'm not good for him. And quiet frankly, he's no good for me either.

I shake my head, taking ahold of his hands that reach for mine. "You can't fix me, baby." A sob escapes my lips, my whole body trembling. "And...fück, I can't fix you either."

As a coping mechanism, a soft laugh leaves my lips, "because you're not broken, honey." I finish, my nose sniffling. "And I'm not ready to love anyone." I confess, "I can't promise you the world when I just want to crumble my own."

He shakes his head, his face red and full of tears. "Please don't do this." He begs, his eyes searching my face, wanting to stop what has to happen.

I caress his cheek, looking deep into his eyes. "I love you, Billy." I chuckle quietly, "I love you more than life itself."

A tear trickles down his cheek, "Lia I—"

"No." I press my finger to his lips with a head shake. "No...it's okay." I sadly smile, "You don't have to say it." I sniffle, "In fact, even if you want to, don't."

"You're not fuckîng leaving me," He suddenly stands up, pacing around the room while his hands are clenched.

I wipe off the last of my tears. "I know you hate me right now," I stand and head towards him, "But I'm doing this for us,"

For you.

"Because I know we need this. I need this and it's my turn to be selfish." I look at him straight in the eyes with a sad smile, "I love you, please never forget that."

His eyes beg me not to do it, but I know this is the only way it'll work. The only way we can happy.

"We're done, Billy." I whisper, but I know he's heard me.

With that, he shakes his head, hurt painted on his eyes before he walks away, leaving me alone in the room.

And then seconds go by. Maybe even minutes as I remain standing.

My heart in my hands as I crumble down, my legs giving up and eyes spilling tears while my body shakes in agony.

I know this is what's best for us. I just know it.

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A/N
Woo, what a long break, I'm so sorry!
A lot has been going on in my life but I'm back!
What a cliffhanger, huh?

Well, let me know what you guys think in the comments!

Love you guys,
Lyn!

Also: I updated the description if y'all want to check that out! I'm also planning on changing the cover, thoughts?