A Girl Like Her

Chapter 17.

"Mom, it's okay, I forgive you," I whispered softly, my heart became heavier and heavier as my mother's tears started to stop. I couldn't look her in the eyes, too afraid to see what would be there. "Did I uh, ruin the dinner?" I asked sheepishly. I could almost feel my cheeks blossom in color as I cringed.

The sweetest smile touched her lips. "No, darling. Not at all. But, Layla, where did you go yesterday? I promise I'm not mad at you and neither is your father. I just want to know if you were safe," she rushed out frantically, her cheeks blotchy from remnants of her tears.

"I was safe, mom," I nodded, smiling gently. "I was at the gym, actually. Just letting out steam I guess." I shrugged, speaking as softly as I could so as not to cause another stir in her emotions. I'm not a mother, but I can only imagine what she's going through.

She nodded to herself, before leaning in to kiss my forehead like all the other times she's recently done so. "Good," she nodded to herself, pulling back. "I- well- drink your coffee, Layla. I have to go get ready for work. Umm," she paused, seeming frazzled in her thoughts as she stepped away. " Have a good day, darling."

With the last of her words, my mother left the kitchen. The sound of her gentle footsteps climbing up the stairs caused me to smile a little more. At least I wasn't a total lost cause. This was progress wasn't it?

I carefully sat down at the table, the cup of coffee mom left still steaming in front of me. At this moment, I was itching to go outside for a quick smoke. The coffee would calm me for only a moment, but cigarettes, cigarettes took off that last bit of edge I needed.

However, there were two issues I had with the thought of smoking: A) Mom and dad were both home and would more than likely smell the stench as soon as they came back downstairs. And B) I promised Zander to try and quit didn't I? Well, I couldn't very well quit cold turkey. I'd heard awful stories of smokers getting sick after they would quit like that. But I wasn't as far in my addiction as they had been. They couldn't even function without a cigarette held to their lips. I could at least get through classes with merely one to keep me sane.

Still, my nerves were becoming restless. A blatant indicator as to just how addicted I'd become. Maybe I would stop buying cigarettes from Antonio after all. The last pack I bought could be my last pack. Surely no harm could come from a few more and then I'd be done for good.

I could pace it out when I have my cigarettes and after some time the urge will disappear and I'll feel sick just thinking about the smell of the smoke once again.

Yes, it was a perfect plan for me. It wouldn't be to make Zander happy. It would be for me. My own form of accomplishment. Another step towards taking back my life.

As I sipped the remains of my coffee, a light knock sounded on the door. I paused, glancing at the time, my cup still in my hands. It was nearing seven already. Paranoia almost slammed me over, but a bleep from my phone had my nerves settling down.

Zander:
I brought gifts.

Confused at Zander's odd text, I made my way to the door and opened it with little fear this time. Zander stood outside my door, a smile beaming on his face, a brown bag in one of his hands and a cup in the other. He looked too good to be true and the sun was only just starting to rise.

"Zander?" I questioned, uncertainty in my tone.

He brought the cup towards me. "I went and picked up some breakfast and coffee for us. I thought you might like to try something else for a change besides your plain coffee. It's a vanilla latte. Try it." He was eager to place the cup in my hand, a tiny bit of the hot liquid splashing onto my hands. It burned only slightly but the smile on Zander's face never wavered. "Well," he nodded to the cup. "Try it. I had it specially made just for you Lala."