A Girl Like Her

Chapter 8:

NOT EDITED

Song: If You Want Love by NF 

"If we wait until we're ready, we'll be waiting for the rest of our lives" ~ Lemony Snicket 

Panic bubbled inside of me. Cold fear gripped at my soul. I couldn't breathe; couldn't think; couldn't focus on anything but the words on the note. Or maybe not the words. But the note itself.

I thought back to the dreadful day. The morning after. I kept the note clutched in my hand, shaking and recoiling at every loud sound I heard. Before walking into my house, I crumpled the note into a ball and dropped it in the trash can.

I never saw it again.

Not until today.

I stared at it. The crumpled note on top of my bed.

Did they break in?

They had to have.

They know where I am. They know where I live- where I sleep.

Oh, God. Oh, God no. Please no. Please, please no.

My legs are shaking and in no time they buckled, dropping me to the floor. I couldn't stop the oncoming attack of tears even if I tried. My vision was getting blurrier by the minute. My mind was going haywire with jumbled thoughts. My body felt numb to the physical world.

But on the inside, I wasn't numb. I didn't feel numb. I felt frightened; petrified. I was scared.

They weren't supposed to find me. They weren't supposed to remember me. They weren't supposed to come back.

I ran my hands through my hair, feeling absolutely pathetic when the small, determined tears started trailing down my cheeks. The coldness in my soul was adamant, refusing to leave. Even I know, there were no amount of cigarettes in the world for me to smoke that would calm me down.

It's over. They know where I am. They'll come for me.

My stomach knots in uneasy twists and turns. I feel like throwing up. I was a doll to these men. A toy to be played with and discarded as soon as they were finished. I thought they were finished. But as it turns out, maybe they aren't finished with their doll. Maybe they grew bored. But as time passed, missed their plaything.

Oh, no. I think I'm going to puke.

I couldn't get to the bathroom fast enough. My knees hit the floor with a thud. Pain blistered through my legs, but it was barely noticeable as I spilt out my guts into the toilet. My body convulsed and by the time I was finished I was dry heaving, cringing at the mental image of myself at this moment.

When I was finished, I lifted myself up to  wobbly legs. I was still shaking. I was still cold with fear taking root in my heart yet again. But this time, I didn't think this root could be removed. It couldn't be cut. It would never leave.

I almost cried out again when I caught my reflection in the mirror. I always tried to stay away from mirrors. No longer could I stand the sight of myself; my broken self. The shell of a girl I used to know.

Staring back at me were eyes so cold and lost I had a hard time believing they were my eyes. My eyes. The eyes that used to be such a gorgeous sapphire blue; the eyes that used to be shining with nothing but pure joy; the eyes that people used to adore- I used to adore. My eyes.

Now look at them. They're nothing but dead, empty sockets. Void of all color and life. If I didn't know any better, I would call myself as dead as a ghost. My skin was a sickly pale. My cheeks were smeared with my tears and blotchy patches of redness marred my face. My lips were a pale pink, trembling with fear and my hair was no better at all. The blonde locks falling messily in a disarray about. My hair was a rat's nest that looked like it hadn't been brushed in weeks.

I truly was pathetic.

Shivers racked my body at the thoughts of going back to my room. Where the note still laid on my bed.

They were in my house.

This was a game to them. I knew it was.

They found their prey and now it was time to play until they were ready to attack. It was time to stalk. To observe. To play. This was a game of cat and mouse to them.

But maybe, maybe I could change the game. I've been through this once. I survived. Barely. But I did. I was smarter now wasn't I? I could get through this. I could bring myself justice.

And once I bring justice upon myself, I can finally be free. That's what I've been missing. Constantly fearing for my life because I know that they're still out there. Waiting for me.

But if they're here then maybe I could plan something. Maybe I could put them away for good so they don't hurt anybody else.

After all, I was a strong and determined spitfire once in a lifetime. That was me. Stubborn, hard headed, pretty, and outgoing. That was me.  That girl could get through anything in life. She could suffer the most horrifying encounter and still laugh in the world's face and ask: "Is that all you got?" She could stare danger straight in the face and taunt it.

That girl was me. I was her. I could do this. I can't spend my life suffering and fearing every little thing that happens. I'll get justice for myself, damnit.

I nodded to myself, wiping the final tears that had leaked from my eyes.

You're strong, Layla.

You can beat this.

"Layla, dear. Are you in there?" I jumped, startled at the sound of my mother's muffled voice through the bathroom door.

Sniffling, I rubbed my nose, splashing cold water on my face to calm down the redness in my cheeks. When I was finished, I looked slightly better. I didn't look like I had been crying for an extended period of time, that is.

Opening the door to the bathroom, I was met with my mother's small smile. "Layla? Are you alright?"

There was a time I loved hearing that concern in her voice. There was a time where my soul would warm and my heart would ache in longing when I heard the softness of my mother's voice. Yet, now, lately, I didn't feel the same way. A dark part of my soul hated it; loathed it.

I was happy my parents loved me again. But it took changing into this perfect, amaged little nobody to get their attention. A part of me hated them for not knowing. But the Angel sitting on my shoulder reminded me that it was not their fault. I never told them. So how could I expect them to understand at all? I was their only daughter. The good little child.

"Yeah, ma. I'm fine." I answered in softly. Her bright blue eyes lit up.

"That's great, honey. Mind getting dressed dear. We have some new neighbors across the street. I invited them over for dinner tonight."

My face paled again. Ẅhat?"

"Yeah. I met up with the mom. She has two boys. One of them even goes to  your school! So I invited them over for dinner. It'll be ready within an hour. Please, wear something nice."

Mom? I thought he said his parents passed?