A Girl Like Her

Chapter 6:

Song: Paper Crowns by Alec Benjamin 

"The scariest monsters are the ones that lurk within our souls" ~ Edgar Allen Poe

NOT EDITED

"Layla! Hey, girl. I missed you yesterday. Are you okay?" Kate was at my locker just seconds after I got to mine.

I skipped yesterday. The first time in a long time. I complained to my mother I was feeling sick and she let me stay home for the day. I would've stayed home no matter what, but it was better if my mother simply agreed to it as opposed to reverting back to my old ways of skipping every other day and not telling her.

I cried so much the other night that my cheeks were puffy and smeared with tears. My entire body was numb and my heart was aching the entire time I cried. At one moment, I felt like I didn't exist. I felt like an intruder in my own body. There was a split second where my mind immediately went to an escape. An escape from this pain. From this feeling.

Death.

It would be easy. Too easy.

There were countless bottles of medication in our house. A few too many doses and I would be in a deep sleep I would never wake up from. There were plenty of razors in the bathroom with blades so sharp they could probably slice through bone with the right amount of effort. Just one single slit over the correct artery and I would bleed out within mere moments. We had a large bathtub that could be filled with water. A couple minutes with my head under the scalding liquid and I would cleanse my soul of all its bitterness forever.

There were so many ways I could escape my own thoughts; my own demons.

But I couldn't.

That would be letting them win, wouldn't it? That would be giving up, wouldn't it?

And that wasn't me.

I was strong. I was a survivor, damnit.

Ending my life would solve nothing. Absolutely nothing.

"Layla?" Kate's voice broke me from my insanity, and I glanced up at her bright blue eyes and smiling face.

Nodding my head in an attempt to rid my haunting thoughts, I replied in a soft voice. "Yeah, sorry. I got sick and had to stay home. I'm better now." I managed a tight smile her way, holding my binders close to my chest.

Despite the baggy clothes that hung off my thin frame, I still felt freezing. Like somehow, there was cold air blowing past my clothes to tease my skin with its coolness. I didn't like it. I hated that no matter how hard I tried to cover my body, I still felt exposed.

I felt like a caged animal, with people constantly gawking at me.

I hated it.

"Well, I'm glad you're okay, Layla. Seriously, everyone was wondering if you were alright because ever since you've been to Lakewood you're the only person who's never missed a day of school." Kate chuckled while I stared at her oddly.

I thought I was invisible at this school. "People- people asked about me?" I asked, surprised. I really was. Ever since I came to this school and changed my act, I thought I could stay low so I wouldn't be noticed. I was so scared that if someone were to notice me, they would somehow contact my attackers and then they would find me.

It was a fat chance in hell. I was paranoid and I knew that. I knew I was just petrified my attackers would find me and finish me off for good.

It wasn't ideal to think about that. It was most likely ignorant of me. They wouldn't come back for me. It's been two years. I kept my vow of silence. I took an unknown oath and signed it in my very own blood that night. They didn't have to leave that note for me to know that a word about that night would forever stay with me. I'd carry this to my grave if it meant knowing full well they would never try to hurt me again.