give her love » james potter

19

Siobhan and I sit at lunch and talk about music.

"We should try and see the Sex Pistols," she says.

"Maybe fall in love with one of them."

She smiles, and I see the small gap between her two front teeth that she's terribly embarrassed about. I've never really understood why. It makes her so interesting to look at, even if it isn't conventionally pretty, it adds to her beauty. Siobhan's pretty in this otherworldly way. Nobody talks about it, but everyone knows it.

She has curly blonde hair, that she either keeps in a bun or lets flow down her back. Freckles that are so light sometimes you can barely see them, but they cover most of her face. Her smile which I've already mentioned. But I think it might be her eyes, they're so dark that they're black basically, and they're quite big, so it's hard to not want to stare at them forever.

I think if she wasn't already in love with Edwin, some Sex Pistol would risk it all for her.

She rests her head on her arm. "You'll have to come over," she says, then look at Rachel. "Both of you. I'd like you guys to meet them."

Rachel and I both nod vigorously. We have both decided that we're going to be very cool aunts to Maggie. Rachel plans on being the one who gives all the boy advice and sneaks her alcohol once and awhile. I plan on taking her to very cool concerts and spoiling her with toys and chocolate (maybe backpack through Europe one day).

They both continue to talk about their Christmas plans, presents, family, all the fun things. I listen absentmindedly, looking around the hall.

Raj Patel's eyes meet mine. Our gazes are locked suddenly, I feel the terrible need to talk to him.

"I'll be right back," I mumble, standing up.

The walk to where he's sitting is fast. So fast that I don't even know what to say. So I just stare at him dumbly, until he moves over, then I sit and stare at him dumbly.

He finally says, "Thanks for talking to Amir."

I nod. "It's not a big deal, I think anyone would've done that."

"No," Raj says, frowning and looking down at his plate. "It's different when someone who's actually gone through it talks, talks about it. I feel like it meant more to him."

"He's a good kid."

"He is."

Raj looks like he's dead. Maybe a part of him is dead, or at least, died alongside his parents. But he's putting on such a strong front, maybe it's mostly for his brother, but I can't help feel bad for him. Has he even been able to be vulnerable since it happened? You can only act brave for so long, sometimes you need a break.

But it's easier to say all this stuff then do it.

"I know he's doing better, but what about you?"

His eyes get a little glassy. "I don't know," he says, honestly, "it feels so unreal. It's hard, like, really fucking, hard. I'm seventeen, Amir's twelve, and I don't what we're supposed to do. Nobody prepares you for stuff like this."

I put my hand over his, and say, "I know."

It's enough. Those two words are enough because he lets out a breath.

So I sit there and listen to him talk. How they're going to stay with their mom's sister, while everything gets figured out. But, he's very sure about this, he doesn't want Amir to live with anyone besides him. He doesn't want Amir to stay with some grandma, or aunt or uncle.

I'm a bit confused about why, but the more he talks I realize his reasons. First one is, he doesn't want to lose his brother, for their relationship to get distant and strained until it suddenly doesn't exist. But secondly, I realize that he's scared of being alone. Amir's the one person that's really left. Without him, Raj is basically all alone.