Androphobia

x. two faces

"Put this around you," he said.

I looked down and he'd placed a folded, tartan blanket on my lap.

Wrapping his hands around the steering wheel, his tattooed fingers flexed and curled around the wheel again, a slow breath leaving his lips. And then we were driving.

I sat in the car, huddled in the blanket as the world spun. My hands continued to shake, however, despite the material draped over my lap. I wanted to say something, to try to break this unnerving silence between us, but I couldn't find the courage.

Lightning flashed, veins of white bleeding through the night sky. I thought I heard thunder rumble in the distance.

I glanced at the man next to me but his eyes were set on the road in front of us, unmoving and cold. When he had taken me to the coffee shop, I had thought he was angry before but this was a different type of anger; this one was cold and icy like permafrost coating the hardened winter soil. I would have much preferred something like Mama's hot and fiery rage because something told me this type was worse.

The ride was quiet, not a word being spoken between us. But when I saw a familiar neighbourhood coming into view, my heart palpitated stronger and stronger.

"Why are we here?" I asked breathlessly. He took a turn. A familiar road took its shape and I felt my body tense at the sight of a familiar alleyway through the window. Bad memories flashed before my eyes and I pulled away.

He was taking me home, but something was off.

"S-Synn," I said, fear dripping from my voice like saccharine honey. "Why are we here?"

He finally stopped the car along the edge of the road, only a few houses away from my own. And then, without looking my way, his fingers tightened around the steering wheel again and he asked, "Which one was it?"

"W-What do you mean?"

"Your mum or your dad. Which fucking one was it?"

I sat there and stared at him in horror but his eyes were trained on the wheel in front of him. He waited for me to answer but I couldn't, I wouldn't.

That must have been the wrong move because in a matter of seconds, he had swung the car door open and slammed it shut behind him, making it rattle with me still inside.

What was he about to do?

Fumbling for my seatbelt, I eventually unbuckled it and shot out of the car door, only to be attacked by the wind as soon as my feet had hit the pavement. The rain, although less threatening than the snow, was enough to sweep me off the ground with the aid of the sharp wind blowing in my face. I could barely make out Synn's large, black figure approaching my house.

"Synn!" I called, chasing after him as best I could while in conflict with the weather. He didn't stop at my voice nor at the sight of me running. He just reached into his pocket, taking out something which I couldn't see through the rain. "Please, wait!"

It felt like forever before I finally reached him and stuck my hands out in front of him.

Black tendrils of his hair trickled with water onto his numb, colourless lips. He made a move towards the door and I stepped in front of him, breathing heavily. He was too angry.

"Please, please don't go in there," I begged, blocking his way.

He stopped and glared at me. It would have been cliche to describe him as a monster looming over my small figure but that was how he appeared; with his billowing suit jacket and sticking shirt and dark, wet hair and emotionless eyes, he was the spitting image of a nightmare. Gone was the gentle giant who had caressed me sweetly as I cried. I didn't recognise the man shadowed by weighted clouds and the night sky.