thin walls (are calling me home)

Chapter 27

The feeling of the pillow against her cheek was soft, the warmth of Camila's body was comforting. A movie seemed to roll behind Lauren's closed lids, a movie that started with a day as normal as ever and ended up in pain, anger and confusion.

Lauren took a deep breath and opened her eyes, unsure of where to start, but certain that she needed to speak. And so, with her heart beating so strongly that she could feel it in her entire body, she did.

"When I was younger, we went through a rough moment, money wise. My dad had been fired and my mom didn't make enough money to keep a house with three children on her own. So they... they turned to my uncle for help, since his company was starting to do really well."

Lauren's voice shook a little and she felt more than saw Camila get closer to her on the bed, shivering slightly when the girl's hand found her forearm. She thought her eyes might be sad, but she didn't know, for she couldn't meet them and was staring at her collarbone instead; to see the look in Camila's eyes would only make this harder, she thought.

"For a while, he lent us money while dad was still searching for a job. But when he did find one, it was in a neighboring city. Long story short, we, um, we had to live with Marcus for a little while, my siblings and I. At first it was just me, because Chris and Taylor were too young, but then they joined me. But..." Lauren took a deep breath to try and steady her shaky voice, finally meeting Camila's big, sad eyes. She couldn't know for sure because of the low light, but she had the impression that they were shimmering with tears. Her own, though, were still dry.

Lauren felt a lump in her throat forming and looked back down.

"Uhh, well, when our parents came back to New York, we would still spend a lot of time at my uncle's house, especially during school breaks, because they were working so much. Then things got a little better and they started trusting me more to take care of Chris and Taylor at home. But we still spent a lot of time at Marcus's house until things really looked up and we didn't need to see him. Well, save for family meetings and stuff." Lauren swallowed hard. "Those were some hellish few years."

Camila's hand travelled down Lauren's arm to her hand, squeezing it hard and yet gentle at the same time. Lauren couldn't help but meet her eyes then, no matter how much she feared doing so, without even knowing why. After all, the only things she found there were love and sympathy and pain, literal, evident pain from hearing Lauren's story, written across Camila's face.

The thump in her throat only grew bigger.

"I'm so sorry," was her girlfriend's simple yet satisfying response. Lauren knew there was nothing else to say and in a way it felt better to receive an honest short answer than a long speech that tried to fill a void inside of her that she wasn't sure could be filled.

And yet, a nasty little voice inside her mind couldn't help but remind her that Camila had been sorry too, before she closed the door on her face, the horrible day Lauren had spilled the truth about her uncle without even meaning to. She had left, and even if Lauren told herself that it didn't matter now, that Camila had come back and had promised never to go again, even if Lauren knew that she herself had been the one who had caused this whole mess, it still hurt.

The feeling of Camila's hand, trailing gently up and down her arm, where it had felt so comforting only a moment ago, suddenly felt like it burned. Lauren had to resist the urge to flinch, and the fact that she didn't know whether it was because of the hurt or because of her own thoughts about Camila only made it worse.

She couldn't think like that, after all. Couldn't doubt her girlfriend's love for her, not after everything.

(And yet.)