When the Clouds Fell

Chapter 22: In Which Things Start to Feel Better

"Who says I'm not?" A twinge of hurt poked into his heart. "You're like a brother to me, Noah."

"Am I?"

Hayden could not contain himself any longer. "Oh my God, do I need to spell it out for you?? I love you, you little sh*t! I don't have any other family. You are it."

It was Noah's turn to blink. "But, I'm a monster," he said.

"I wouldn't care even if you grew six eyes. I'd still come looking for you," he grabbed the ends of Noah's sleeves, "because you're still Noah."

He lowered his head, shoulders shaking. "See, I'm not so sure about that." His voice wavered. "My mind was empty at first, and I don't exactly remember when it happened, but now, when I call out, a voice will answer back." Noah took a deep, shuddering breath. "There's something living in my head and I'm so, so disgusted by it. Whenever I look in the mirror, it looks back at me. And I honestly don't know how much longer I can hang on."

The panic flared up inside Hayden again. His fingers tightened around Noah's wrists. "For as long as you have to." His mind seemed to decide now was a brilliant time to go blank. Words fell like grain of sand from his grip. "And when you can't hang on, I'll do it for you."

"You know, I never would have thought that my biggest nightmare would be myself." Noah's chin trembled and his eyes welled up again. "And I'm afraid that one day I'll chose to fall into the darkness myself."

"You won't. Not as long as I'm here." Hayden hesitated. He swallowed his guilt whole and said, "And you know, that thing inside you that you're so afraid of? It's not you. I've seen it a few times and I can assure you: That's. Not. You." He licked his lips. "And...I'm sorry I kept shoving it under the rug. I've regretted that for the past year now."

Noah shook his head and sighed. "I don't blame you, honestly. I've thought about it, and I guess I kind of get why you did it. We were all just trying our best to live normal lives, weren't we? I think we've been through enough sh*t to last a lifetime."

He chuckled. "Have we, though?"

That elicited a snort from Noah. But he quickly wiped his expression. "Hey, wait, you aren't fully forgiven yet. Don't forget that you went and got a tattoo without telling me." He crinkled his nose.

Hayden rolled his eyes. "You're still salty about that?"

His chest lightened, like a boulder had dropped from it. He could finally breathe easier. He could finally face Noah instead of turning his back to him.

Although this was nowhere near a solution, they had taken one baby step forward. For now, that was the best thing he could ever dream for.

~🐍 ~

En sat on her kitchen counter, bare feet dangling down. An array of bandages and antiseptics and ointments laid riddled around her. She gnawed on her lower lip, keeping back profanities.

Yasha, with gentle fingers, disinfected the gashes and burns on her. "I'll leave whatever's under your shirt to you," he had said with a laugh.

The yellow light from the rangehood fell upon his face, igniting his pale skin to a golden glow. En most definitely did not ogle at how soft his long hair looked, or how his hazel eyes looked amber under the lighting, or how his lips formed a tiny pout and his brows scrunched slightly as he rubbed a cotton ball soaked in antiseptic on her knee. She tried to remind herself of how Colton would look if he were in Yasha's place. But the idea made blood rush to her cheeks.

Yasha smirked up at her. "What are you thinking about right now, hmm, En?" He tossed the soiled cotton into the bin and carefully smoothed out a big band-aid on the spot. "Don't tell me," he tilted his head to shift his bangs aside, "you were thinking about what it'd be like if I was Colt, right?"