Fates Intertwined (Karmagisa)

28

Nagisa was so close to giving in and asking Sugino what it was.

Turns out he didn't need to. "Hey, Nagisa," Sugino wetted his lips very nervously, and his shoulders strung tight as did whenever he hesitated. "What's up with you and Karma?"

"Nothing, why do you ask?" Unfortunately, Nagisa wasn't good at keeping up the whole poker face thing, and he could feel his own face strain at the attempt of a smile.

Things with Karma and him... It sure was a vague question, but Nagisa knew what Sugino meant. The first few days with Karma in E-class, the boy had shown no hints of ever having met Nagisa before, but Nagisa did and he knew it hadn't been some imposter in guise of Karma that had been his friend since elementary. It kinda hurt to be brushed off so easily.

But Nagisa swore to himself that he wouldn't be weak anymore. Before he might've relied on Karma more than considered as an equal exchange and maybe that drove him away, but now, in E-class, he felt like he could be stronger. Even without Karma, he could stand on his own feet and stand up for others if not for himself. Assassination gave him that kind of confidence. A kind that made him feel like he could even stand beside Karma on his stage, make him feel like he could make a better assassin than Karma.

It was what made Nagisa realize that confidence was a scary gamble- power over rational thinking. Though he couldn't deny he quite liked being in that state of self-assurance.

Karma made him weak. Not necessarily by fights or discords, but by the way he slipped inside Nagisa's heart so easily. It was such a fragile thing- his heart- the only prop that kept it up was honestly his friends, and for Karma to be so close to it was a risk that Nagisa didn't want to take. Though, he thought this, whenever Karma was around, he forgot everything and let Karma's obscure intents slip in, unknowing whether they were words of twisted apologies or words that twisted knives in his heart.

By that time, everything felt like it had been frozen in time except the thoughts that ran wilder than any turbulent storm, and Sugino's eyes that couldn't seem to find a point to focus on. In the end, he decided on his baseball, studying it as if he didn't knew every scratches and cuts by heart.

"I don't know. You guys feel distant. Even though you talk, there's some sort of distance." He glanced at Nagisa's face, his expression entirely asking that one question he'd avoided and Nagisa felt his body freeze at the joints- his movement mechanical.

How Sugino had pinned the picture down, Nagisa didn't know, but he did know that Sugino spoke whatever he felt was the truth. And it was. The truth that Nagisa had been trying to hide under the rugs, swept and hidden from plain sight, but it would affect their friendship largely if they continued this way. Nagisa had never imagined approaching the topic, even less that Sigino would be the one to try and drag it out of him. Kayano did show concern when Karma hung around, but she'd never been this forceful and straightforward.

Karma was a guy of strange beliefs and weird complexities in the most fascinating way. It built the person he was, and Nagisa really liked what made him and who he was, and the oddities that came along. But Nagisa also hated the fact that he wanted Karma, the indifference and all. Even if they did get together, Nagisa doubted that Karma would suddenly become an image of a pure soul.

"We were friends back then," Nagisa tried a sheepish smile on, it wasn't exactly a lie. "Maybe it's because you're not used to us being together?"

Sugino said nothing and a look of barely concealed pity shone on his face. Maybe not saying anything was worse than saying something if a look like that had been directed to him. He was fine, honestly. He was used to Karma being sporadic and his frequent come and go routines. He didn't need that look. Everything was normal.