You held me at my worst,
You made me feel the best.
You made me love myself even more,
You love me like no one else has ever did.
I can never explain the feeling every time I see you, I hear you, and when I touch you. But it's the best feeling ever...
A huge sea of screaming fans and flashes of camera knocked the breathe out of my lungs but I inhaled once more and faced it all. With shaking knees, sweaty palms, and my heart beating at a full speed I still chose to raise my chin up and pretend like I'm not about to curl into a ball and seek for comfort. It was all so overwhelming.
Hoppsan! Denna bild följer inte våra riktliner för innehåll. Försök att ta bort den eller ladda upp en annan bild för att fortsätta.
We all posed and answered some questions as rehearsed and went inside the venue but even if we were inside, the sound of cameras flashing remained in my ears. I felt a hand on mine and I look up to find Jisoo Unnie.
"Are you okay?" She asks with a warm smile that also warmed my heart, I nodded and we proceeded to walk to the venue. Our manager and a few staff guided us.
Then we arrived to the place and it was already packed with fans from different fandoms and a few idols in their spots, Lisa and Chaeyoung waved at our BLINKS and I look up and gave the biggest smile I could give. If it weren't for them, we wouldn't be this successful.
A producer came up to us, she looked so stressed already. I felt really bad. "Ms. Jennie Kim, we need you backstage. There's a little error with your pre-recorded song, you have to do it again."
I was nervous but followed her anyway. We went to the back of the stage and walked a hallway down until it got more quiet and deeper down the hallway. She opens a door and it revealed a recording studio, I got inside and she introduces me to the lady and the man who will help me record the last minute. Ms. Lee and Mr. Bang.
She pulls out her phone, "I will just inform your manager you are with me, though they already said that you're our responsibility for tonight but we just have to make sure." I nodded and she left the room.
"Ok, let's start now. We only have 10 minutes, another artist lost his pre recorded audio as well. Out of seven it was just him." Mr. Bang said, I went inside the booth and put on the headphones.
"Ready," I spoke to the mic. I wanted things to get done and over with as soon as possible.
"Ok, we're starting now." Then it started. The music started and my anxiety builds up, I panicked.
'Is she really a singer?'
'I don't see her as an idol.'
'Not a drop of talent.'
All those criticism I've recieved since I was trainee, then you add the hate comments because I just had to read them all.
'What is her talent?'
'She's a pretty face, that's all.'
'She's so fake.'
I can hear it all. I always do, it was like a reminder that I had to suffer because I chose this life.
"Jennie-ah, are you ok?" Ms. Lee snaps me out of my thoughts, I gulped and nodded.
"...yes, I am. Sorry." I say softly through the mic, they share a glance that gets me even more nervous.
"Ok, let's start that again, shall we?" I nodded and prepared myself. Be professional, Jennie. You're working.
"천진난만 청순가련 새침한 척 이젠 지쳐 나," I sang the entire song and though there was a few repeats, I managed to get it done in just a few minutes.
I thanked the producers and got ready to leave the room, but before the door close I froze.
"So that was the Kim Jennie," I hear Ms. Lee say.
"I really wasn't expecting a lot. These days, YG is failing. Agencies tend to debut those who have visual to catch the public eye than those who have real talent." I gasped and closed the door quietly.
I felt weak, my knees shook as I try to walk away but I was so heart broken. I knew from the start that critics would really come my way, it's a part of the life I chose. But I can't help but still get hurt, I hold back the tears and my vision gets blurry.
I stumble to the side and balance just left me to fall pathetically. I screech and wait for the impact but instead a sigh of relief left my lips as a pair of hands catch me by the arm, I was pulled back up to my feet and I look up to the person who saved me.
Hoppsan! Denna bild följer inte våra riktliner för innehåll. Försök att ta bort den eller ladda upp en annan bild för att fortsätta.
Kim Namjoon of BTS. I couldn't believe it. His visuals, his tall and lean body. I've seen him before but not this close. His face was just beautiful. "Are you okay?" His voice was deep and gentle.
"O-Oh, yes, I'm okay." I straighten myself up and he lets go of me. His hands left my arms and it felt a little tingly on the spot where he touched me.
"Are you sure? You looked like you were passing out." He looked genuine, it's beautiful. He's beautiful.
"Yes, I'm fine. Just looking for the way back to the venue." I forced out a chuckle that sounded like a sad, disgusting snort.
"Ah, just walk down the hallway and... well, follow the noise." He smiles and his cute dimples show. Oh, he's so cute. Yoongi is my bias in the group but he's also cute. "Mm... can I ask too? Which way is to the bathroom?"
"I don't know, really." I let out a nervous chuckle, "I just went down hear to pre-record some audio."
"Ah, alright. Thanks, Ms. Jennie Kim. Nice to meet you," He pats my arm and walks away.
I stare at his back and was just in awe. He's so cute up close. I can't believe it.
