masquerade ≠ ethan dolan

nine

Clover woke up first the next morning. Ethan was snoring quietly beside her, hair messy, lips pouted in his sleep. She smiled, before slithering out of his grip and climbing into the jacuzzi.

The hot water and jets instantly soothes her tense muscles, and she let out a content sigh as she soaked. This weekend in New York turned out to be more than she bargained for.

Going against everything, she slept with Ethan. She couldn't lie and say that she didn't have any feeling for him either.

But she could lose her job, she could lose everything. The two most important rules were not to fall for your clients, and not to sleep with them, and she'd broken both.

Clover would not take back this weekend, or any time spent with him. She just wished things were different.

"Clover?" Ethan calls from the empty bed. "Shit, shit, shit."

"I'm still here, E!" At that, he calmed down. He thought after last night she might've left without saying anything. It wouldn't be the first time.

He wanders into the bathroom, only wearing his white Calvin Klein boxers and a smile. His hair is flat against his forehead, and he's got a scratched up chest from her nails, not that he cared.

"Sorry, I thought I scared you off," he yawns. "Can I get you anything?"

"I'll be out in a few minutes. Wanna go out or order room service?" Clover hums, acting as if she's not stressed. Her job had given her a lot of practice at that. She's supposed to provide escape, and she will.

"Room service. I'll order now, should be here when you're done," Ethan says, dragging his feet as he walks off.

After last night, he felt like he was in a permanent haze. A good one, one he never wanted to leave. He couldn't stop thinking about her.

The image of her body was burned against his eyelids, he saw it every time he closed them. If he focused he could still feel her hands on him.

Biting his lip and shaking away those thoughts, he slipped into a hotel robe to answer the door. Clover towel-dried her hair and wrapped one around her body as she walked back toward her suitcase.

Ethan looked away as she got dressed, although his gaze did drift a few times. Instead, he tried sipping on his coffee, and checking his phone. Grayson had texted, but before he could answer, Clover sat next to him and stole his attention. He liked how her hair looked wet.

"Sleep good?" Ethan asks, unsure what else to say. Of course now he's awkward.

"Really good," she smiles, stealing a bite from him. "What time is the flight tonight?" Ethan groans at that.

"What if we just stayed in New York forever? Or better yet, we run off to another country and never come back?" He proposes. Going home meant facing their real lives again.

"Hmm, can we move that plan back a couple months? I've got some stuff I'd wanna take care of first," Clover shrugs, her voice dripping with sarcasm. "As lovely as that sounds, we both have homes, and jobs, and friends back in LA."

Ethan huffs, remembering her job. This was her job. The only thing that made him feel better was knowing she broke the rules to be with him-she wouldn't do that if she didn't care. That's what kept him going right now.

"...Clover?" He whispers. She hums, glancing in his direction. "How do you not lose yourself?"

"What?" Her brows furrow. That came out of nowhere.

"Being other people all the time. H-how do you stay you? Is this you? The real you?" Ethan had been thinking about it for a while.

When he first called Masquerade, he asked for whoever came to be herself. But spending so much time at work, pretending to be other people, he wondered how she stayed the same. If he had feelings for her-which he obviously did-he wanted to make sure it was the real Clover.

It was something Clover struggled with for a while too. When she first started it was thrilling, to be someone else. But as she did it more she wasn't sure if she could keep track of the different versions of herself.

"It's like a game, I guess. Going out, pretending to be other people, it's fun. I like to do it-so I think it's part of me. But that doesn't make the other sides of me any less real. And it's easier to remember who I am when I have people like you in my life."

-

Unfortunately for both of them, their day in New York comes to an end way too soon.

They meet up with Grayson again in the afternoon, and all go to the airport together in the evening, despite Ethan whining the entire time. Grayson rolled his eyes at his brother and fell asleep as soon as the plane was in the air.

Clover fell asleep shortly after, leaving Ethan alone with his thoughts. As soon as they landed in LA, he needed to speak to her.

He should've done it during their day together, but wanted the entire weekend to be a good memory incase he messes things up with what he says later. He knew the risks, but was tired of doing nothing.

So Ethan didn't get much sleep on the flight. When they landed at 4am, he wasn't even tired.

After collecting their bags, they rush to leave. The three of them are ready to be home, as nice as their time away was.

"I'll be over in a minute, Gray," Ethan waves, his brother ordering them an Uber. He grabs Clover and drags her away to talk. "Clover, I-"

"Ethan, now that we're back in LA, I don't think I can meet with you."

His heart cracks in his chest.

"What?" Ethan squeaks out. "B-but I thought..."

"I'm sorry," she whispers, wrapping her arms around him. "This weekend was good. Too good. I don't regret it, but we both know it can't happen again."

Clover waited until they got back to tell him, but she made the decision when she woke up. With a clear head, despite the pain, she knew she had to. She couldn't give up her job for a boy, no matter how she felt.

"Clover, p-please, can we talk about this?" The words spill out of Ethan's mouth faster than he can think. "Please don't shut me out. These past few months, hanging out with you I-I've been doing so good. I don-I can't lose you, Clover."

"I'm sorry," she says, genuine sorrow dripping from her voice. "But you were a client. And now... now you're not even that."

His hands tug on his own hair. "If I'm not a client, then can't we-"

"That's not how it works. I've gotta go, Grant. I hope everything works out for you. You don't need me, your happiness was all you."

Ethan's mouth falls open as she walks away, and as his middle name slips from her lips again. That can't be how things end between them, he won't accept that.

It feels pretty damn final as she gets in her Uber without even looking at him though.

Pulling up the hood of his sweatshirt-the one she bought him-he slumps back over to Grayson. How could one amazing night have caused all this?

A/N

i am only a little bit sorry