Summer 79' | MJ FF

36. Love Don't Live Here

I screamed into my pillow, and then I cried. My eyes were hurting from how much I had been crying.

My mother would ask what's wrong, mi amour.

I wanted to say everything.

Everything was wrong, and I would love to
disappear Or, better yet, die. I would lovejust to
die so I wouldn't feel this tightness around my heart
that made it hard for my body to continue living.

Mom, I don't want to be on this earth anymore.

That's what I wanted to say, but I couldn't. No
matter how bad I wanted to die, I couldn't just
leave my mother...my sister. They needed me.

My sister once told me about her worst heartbreak.

His name was Toni Vaughn, and she loved him with
all of her heart. She said that he was her everything, and when he broke up with her, everything she had was gone. Everything left.

She told me that it was so hard for her to sleep, eat, and not cry at every damn second of the hour. She told me that she felt as if the unfortunate ending of death was much better than to live with the pain in her heart.

I guess you can say I was going through that.

I hadn't eaten in days. I couldn't sleep. All I did was cry and wallow in my sadness. I let it consume me.

I allow the sorrow to turn into despair.

The absence of hope was here to stay.

I had no hope for the future because it just seemed so dull.

It wasn't vibrant, and the colors weren't neon.

They weren't yellow like the sunshine or orange
like the sun. They were cloudy grey like the fog at night that makes it hard to see. They were dark like the black hole in space...in the unknown.

Life was meaningless.

—

Day 2

Michael had been calling me like crazy, but I
didn't feel the need to answer them. It was only A matter Of time before he showed up at my house.

I opened the front door with a bag of all the shit Michael had ever given me since we were children.

I was getting rid of it. It served no purpose for me
to keep it any longer. Unfortunately, the trash was
not only the plastic bag in my hands, but it was also standing at my front door with a smile.

A fucking smile.

"Babe! I had been calling you like crazy." He said.

I stared at him with no emotion at all.

"Did you pack all your things? We leave in two days, So I hope everything is packed. You love to wait to the last minute to do things." He chuckled a bit.

I pushed past him and walked to the trashcan in front of the garage.

Michael followed behind me. "Babe, are you alright?" He asked me. I ignored him and opened up the lid of the trashcan before throwing the bag inside. I pushed the lid back down and dusted off my hands before walking around up to the front door.