What if? -Brendon Urie-

Chapter 35

" She stare at herself but still sees nothing she only sees a broken human being.
She carries her demons because she can't defeat them.
She carries her demons because she can't live without them.
They've taken over her life.
They've taken over my life.

Why can't I see
Why can't I stop
Why can't I breathe
Why can't I scream

She is broken
She is broken on the inside.
She can't fight the pain
I can't fight the pain"

I stop. Tears in my eyes. I set down my ukulele. I get a knock at my door. I wipe away the tears and hide my notebook. I turn and see Billie. " hey girl. Your brother let me in. I have a few hours before my concert and wanted to come check in on you. And wow. Dude you can sing?" She says sitting beside me. " I..I guess" I say to her. " no you can. Your brother said you we're going to start writing?" She ask me. I nod. " I'm just nervous" I say. " dude. I'm always nervous when I walk on stage. But once I see my fans it makes me happy. It's what helps me do what I do." She says. " speaking of which. I'm also here to help you get ready." She says getting up. And walking out my door and appearing with a bag. " so. Your brother tells me you hate not having hair. Well" she unzips her bag and reveals some beautiful wigs. " now these wigs will literally almost make you look as if you never lost any hair. In my opinion your gorgeous without hair but if you want to wear a wig I can help you put one on." she says. I smile. And look through the wigs. I found a dark brown and red ombre. I smile and Billie helps me put it on. Once I have it on I put on Tyler's Red beanie. The wig reached to my waist. " now for your outfit." she says.

Billie left an hour ago to get ready for her show. She set out my outfit and showed me how to take care of my wigs that she gave me. Once in was done in the shower I get dressed. The shirt I wore revealed my stomach. I saw my rib bones starting to poke out. I put on the black high wasted pants I had. They were a little lose but the hid my stomach. I put on my red converse and finally the wig and red beanie. And leave my room. Walking downstairs. Brendon and Tyler were in the kitchen so I joined Josh in the living room. " nice hair." he says smiling. " thanks I say. " alright everyone ready?" brendon says coming in the living room. I stand up my pants fall a little revealing my stomach so I pull them up quickly. Hoping no one noticed.

We make it to the stadium where the concert would be and brendon and Tyler walk ahead. " pants getting to big?" Josh says walking beside me. " what? I-i don't know what your talk about." I say to Him. " Callie. Your rib bones are almost revealing. Do you realize -" " Josh. I'm fine." I say walking ahead of him. The guy at the door lets us in back stage and we find Billie talking to her brother I believe. " hey you guys made it" she says walking up to hug me. She lets go quickly. She looked upset but smiled quickly. " hey show the guys around? I'm gonna bring Callie to my dressing room." she says, talking to her brother. Tyler hugs me and kisses my cheek. He had the same look that Billie did after hugging me.

" need a belt? Your pants look a little loose" she says. Giving me a camouflage belt. I put it on but it didn't really fit well. But it works. " hungry? I order Chinese and their sushi is so amazing." she ask Me smiling. I smile slightly but shake my
Head. "I uh. Ate before we came here" I say. " oh okay." her smile fades a little. " how are things with
You and Tyler?" she ask. "Things are great." I say. " does he know ?" she ask. " No. None of them do and I'm fine really. I'm just on a diet" I say. Fake smiling. " Callie. Not eating is not a diet. It's very unhealthy. Eventually you will be so week to the point you can't walk. Can't breathe. and you and I both know you don't want that. Think about Tyler and your brother and all the people you've met and made friends with? Even me." she says. I just smile. " I'm okay. I swear" was all I said. Right before her brother walked in saying it was time to go.

Billie was amazing. Tyler was in the pit with me holding me closely. We had a private section but it was still crowded and loud. "too much?!" Tyler loudly ask through the screaming crowd. I nod and he leads me backstage. As we are walking the world around me started to spin. All remember is Tyler grabbing Me and catching Me

I wake up in a bed. My bed. I start to lean up but just feel dizzy. I head talking outside my door. " B she not eating. And when she does she just throws it all up. She looks like a walking skeleton. We are all worried. If she doesn't start eating then we going to have to force feed her. I called the doctor and she can get a feeding tube." it sound like Josh." I slowly stand up. And open my door. The both go quiet. " Cal. We need to talk-" what? Josh is lying. I'm fine. I think I was just walking to fast at the concert and I haven't had any water-" "stop. We're going to the doctor tomorrow if you don't start eating." Brendon says cutting me off. I look at josh. " before you say anything just listen. I only said something because I'm scare your going to kill yourself. Hell you are. And I don't want that. Neither does Brendon. Tyler will break. Callie. You think your doing good but you aren't. And I'm not going to watch you starve." He says. Josh has never cried. " I-I it's hard. All I see is-is disgust" " that's what your demons want you to see. Don't let them in please cal." He says walking downstairs.

I meet them in the kitchen and sit at the table. B hands me a slice of pizza that he had ordered earlier. and walks back in the kitchen. I just stare at it. The smell made me sick. I wanted to get up but I didn't. I take a small bite. Then another. And another. I felt sick. And start to get up. " here" josh hands me a glass of water. I drink it and it helps a little. " take it slowly." Brendon says. Taking away the rest.

2 weeks later

I've gained 5 pounds. My ribs are still showing but less than they were. " your almost healthy" I pull down my shirt turning to see ty. " I'm almost fat" I say. He grabs me and hugs me. " no. Your beautiful. And I also have something for you. He says. Holding out a box. I opened it to reveal a small yellow flower inside a glass ball. He help me put it around my
Neck. " I wanted to be the first to know the theme for our new album." He says. I smile. " I wrote something for you. Meet me downstairs" he says kissing my forehead and leaving my room.