My Letters To You (Cash)

~ Nash ~

~nash~

I groaned seeing the light shinning through the window hurting my eyes. And honestly I don't care. I can actually kiss the floor right now. Knowing that I'm alive and all.

"Good Morning Mr.Grier, how are you feeling"

I looked up to see a very nice lady with a smile. Her hair looked to be perfectly in a nice bun, very light makeup on, and her clothes weren't wrinkly. She seemed to love her job very much. I gave her a light smile.

"Umm can I actually have a glass of water" I tried saying. Feeling a little embarrassed because my voice sounded all groody.

"Course, let me just, ok um get up a little sweetie so you don't choke"

Putting pressure on my elbows to try and pick my upper body up. Surprisingly working, feeling my strength come back is incredible. She fed me the drink, considering that i have these tubes or whatever pinching my fingers. I've never been so great full for water before. I just wish it could wash all my problems away.

"Thank you " my voice sounding more like me now.

"Your welcome, the doctor will be here shortly and then we will see if you can see your family and friends now."

"Oh, ok" feeling all tingly inside.

"If you have any questions push the button for my service and let me just turn on the tv for you" the Middle aged women said.

Thankfully the tv was already on Nickelodeon.

"Umm actually when can I use the bathroom." noticing the tingling inside me was just pee.

"Oh yess, can you just wait a few minutes I'll ask your doctor." she said softly waking out of my hospital room.

I just can't wait to get out of here. I need fresh air, fresh clothes, fresh everything. Now that I think about it I feel so dirty. And I probably smell like shit.

"Hello! how are you doing." Said a rather jolly asian doctor with white hair growing on he's head. Yet he looked so young.

"I'm alright, I guess" my voice still a little scratchy and Goody.

"Ok so I'm going to pinch your feet. Tell me if you can feel it" the Asian doctor said while grabbing an inch long needle.

I tried to act calm and act like it didn't bother me. So when he poked my feet It kinda made me squeal. Which definitely meant I felt it.

The doctor chuckled and did the same thing with my other foot. And just like that doctor Philip said everything was fine. I mentally sighed of happiness and then thanked him. The nurse came forward and started unplugging the things all over my upper body. Only leaving the fluid of water tube thats leading to my arm and stayed put with a bandaged.

She helped me get up and I used there hospital slippers to not get my feet on the hard cold pavement.

Before I went to the bathroom the nurse helped me walk around a bit. And it felt weird. It felt like if I was an old man and having a caregiver care for me. I felt so useless. My legs killed me, but I still continued.

Once she let me by myself I slowly and painfully walked to the bathroom along with the water bag keeping the water fluid I lost in.

I finally went to the bathroom. Quick relief came across me. When I looked at the mirror, it it was just such an unpleasant thing to watch. I couldn't even recognise myself. My skin was so white and pale. My hair was to long. I looked like the living dead. And Yes I'm thankful I survived this. But I didn't expect that I would turn out more uglier then I already was. I hate it. I didn't even realise I was crying until the tiny cool droplet of water dropped on my hand. And that was the only tear. It was either because my body didn't have enough liquid, if that's even possible. Or it's just me being tried of crying.

Not wanting to look at myself anymore, I turned off the light, closed the door and made my weakness self back to my hospital bed. Weird thing though, I wasn't tired. I couldn't close my eyes. And I promised myself to change. And I will once I get out of this situation.

Remember: forget the past. Change. Live now.

Even though the doctors told me I was perfectly okay now, I know I only had a 50 - 50% percent chance of me surviving. It makes you think you know. Life is so short. I just got to live. Forgive and forget.

Try. Try will be my key word. Try forgiving. Try new things. Try letting people in. Try loving myself.

And I'll start with the first person that comes in my room for visiting hours.

"Mr.Grier there's a visitor that would like to see you, should I ring him in?"

"Uh, yeah" I said a bit confused.

I was expecting my first visitor to be my mom. But obliviously the nurse said it was a "he" so I'm curious on who it would be. Probably my dad or hayes.

So I mentally prepared myself on who ever it is going to react on my appearance.

The door opened and the first thing I saw were a big bouquet of flowers along with a big teddy bear and a ballon saying "welcome back love!". And just barley enough room for the box of chocolates he was holding. He stepped forward. Only me able to see he's black skinny jeans, red timberlands , and his muscular arms.

Me still not able to see he's face he sat the stuff down turned around and

"NASH!"

My eyes just roaming up and down. Wow he's gorgeous is all I could think of.

He stepped closer. Worry came across he's face now.

"Uh, Nash are you okay?"

Was I suppose to know who he was?

"Look uh Nash I'm really really really sorr- "

"Um who are you?" I asked him.

Sadness came across him.

"Nash, stop playing around I'm Cam, Cameron?" eyes started watering.

"I don't know a Cameron? and I don't know you?" I said sad for this Cameron guy.