My Letters To You (Cash)

~ Letter Eight ~

~letter eight~

2 weeks 1 day.

You've been in a coma for that long. I'm so worried Nash. All I want to do is hug you and see your flawless face again.

I'm writing in this dull sad waiting room right now. I can't think of anything, but you.

They haven't told me to leave nor have forced me to leave yet. Which is a really good thing. Because I want to be that one person to first make you smile and laugh and all that other stuff. When you wake up.

I've came to a conclusion. If I tell you I love you, well not love you because then that'll freak you out. But I do love you.

Look what I'm trying to say is that if I tell you I like you, I have no idea on how your going to react. My brain is yelling "no" but my gut is saying "go for it".

Problem is will you wake up?

It's killing me to think that I've cause this. No matter how many times a person can tell me this wasn't my fault, I'll still have that guilt inside me.

Every time I think about its like a bullet to my head.

If you don't get out of this alive. I would not know what to do with myself.

And that's were the letters come in. If I die before you Nash.

I'm sorry.

I just couldn't handle the fact that your suffering and I'm over here in the real world waiting for you.

I remember promising you that we would stay best friends. I guess fate just didn't want us to be best friends. Therefor I wouldn't have a chance to be with you. Or anything in that matter.

I hope when your reading this you'll understand every single thing and every single little emotion I felt.

All for you.

And if I do end up one foot in the grave, I will forever love you.

I don't want to make you feel weird or anything, but I had this one dream where we were making out and stuff. I don't regret it. Yet I feel bad for dreaming about such things that I shouldn't. So I'm telling you now.

I want my letters to you to be special and only you will be able to read them. But the dream felt so real almost like I could feel you. Legit feel your skin on me, your lips on me, your hands running up and down on my body. You trying to take the lead. You calling out my name. I'm not gonna lie it was pretty steamy.

But that's the thing I felt you. You were so close. I was so afraid to let you go. So I kept you close. While you know it escalated from there.

It felt like I was in two worlds. The real world and my imagination. So when I woke I couldn't fall back asleep. Even though I really wanted to. I knew I had to face my worst enemy, the real world. But I had to face it. Me against this cruel world.

Even though the world is sometimes filled with wonderful things. The worst thing you can ever experience is heartbreak. I've of course never experienced that. I've never went out or had any intimacy with any other boy or girl. It's sad I know.

I never really knew why I never went out with anyone. All I know is that I was saving myself for that one special person. But now I know that I've lost that one special person. Possibly forever.

I was hoping that one special person would be you...

If I only had the courage to go and tell you that I liked you, none of this would have happened. But I'm such a coward. I only cared about my feelings and how I felt at the time.

I think it's funny how like something bad happens to a certain person and you give all your attention to that one person for only a certain amount of days. If you don't get what I'm writing right now, I'll give you an example.

As a kid I was always that one kid that nobody wanted to hang out with, I was basically a loser. I don't think I even remember the last person that said thank you to me. I was always that one person that people told to do there homework and in return I always said nothing. But not even a single "thank you" they would tell me. And just like that throughout the day they would act like I didn't even exist.

I did have a friend that did get me through high school. But he's not here anymore. I wish he would come back though. He helped me a lot. Especially in these types of situations.

But nobody can compare to you Nash. I don't know how much time I have left in this world. And I know I always have to mention me loving you, but it's only the truth.

If I could I would show you just how much I love you. But that'll be in another phase of life.

Loads Of Love,
Cameron Dallas