Secrets Are

Book 2: Secrets Are Perfect | Chapter 5

"I don't understand why my dad did what he did since I was the one who started this all, not my mom. And it makes me feel guilty that I got to live and she didn't," I said knowing he probably wasn't going to like talking about the possibility that I could have died. I knew how happy he was when he found out that I was going to be okay.

I knew that he at least understood what it was like to lose someone you loved, but he didn't actually lose me in the end. He was able to get me back, unlike me. I wouldn't ever get my mom back. She was gone before I even knew she was gone. I wouldn't ever get the chance of hoping that she was going to make it. And I couldn't help but think she had died because of me, because I had thought that my father couldn't do anything worse than what he had already done. I had been foolish to think that my father would ever see things my way and because of that, my mom ended up paying the ultimate price.

"Callie, it's not your fault that your mom is dead. The fault belongs only to your father. He's the one who caused her death and he's the reason for it too. There is no excuse for what he did and I don't think any of us understand why he chose this path instead of just owning up to the mistakes he has made in the past. I know you feel guilty about being the one who survived, but you could have never known what your father was going to do," Ben said rubbing my back and then resting his chin on the top of my head.

He hugged me closer to him if that was even possible and we were quiet for a few minutes. I'm sure he didn't expect me to not feel guilty anymore after what he just said, but it was nice to know that he didn't think I was the reason for my mom's death. It was nice to know that he still thought the same of me after what had happened. And maybe one day I would feel like this wasn't my fault and I wouldn't feel so guilty, but for now that's how I was going to feel. I knew what Ben said was true, but for some reason I still felt guilty and that I was the reason that my mom was dead. It didn't seem like anything was going to change that right now.

"I'm going to keep telling you that it's not your fault until you actually believe it. You're an amazing person and I know you'd never let anyone get hurt. So, if you had known what your father was going to do, then you would have stopped looking into your father's past so you could try and save your mother," Ben said after we had been silent for awhile.

"Thanks Ben," I replied back, looking up at him. He looked down at me and smiled, nodding his head, but decided not to say anything more. We leaned in closer until our lips met.

As our kiss deepened, I turned my body so that I was completely facing him now and I wasn't in an uncomfortable position anymore. I felt Ben's hands on my waist as we continued to kiss. Eventually he flipped me over so that he was on top of me and his body was completely pressed against mine. We were no longer in a sitting position and I felt completely comfortable with the position we were in.

I don't think I had ever felt uncomfortable with Ben before because he always made sure I was okay with what was going on between us. It didn't last much longer though, the kissing at least, since we pulled away to catch our breath, but Ben didn't get off of me. He leaned back in once we had caught our breath and kissed me again.

His hand slipped underneath my shirt this time and I felt his hand slide up the side of my body. As if it wasn't already hard enough to breathe, it got even harder as I felt his hand touching my bare skin. This wasn't the first time it had happened, but it always felt like it was the first time. And I never wanted it to stop, but usually it did.

And this time it was because Ben and I heard my brother and his girlfriend talking in the hallway. It sounded like they were heading for Ben's room, which meant that our alone time was now up. I knew Ben wasn't afraid of Ryan kicking his ass, but he still got off of me and pulled me into a sitting position.