🌹tyrontroy
he took a piece of paper, it was a bit dark but enough to read every word, inside this for cornered room with black painted wall, you can hear him breath, so slow that it felt agonizing
"i remembered being the kind of person i am back then, so stupid, so foolish and helpless, everytime i'm reminded of those it makes me even more disappointed" he gave a sigh before pursing his lips, putting the paper down and getting another, his eyes are attentive
"i remember people telling me their in pain because of me, telling me to go away that made me shut off myself more, and everytime i remember those moments, it makes me wanna hate myself to the point that i question myself"
his hands were trembling with every word, his breathe is deep, slow, you can hear the agony that was forming inside of him, yet he took another paper "i almost killed my father when i was seven, seeing him put my mom in pain, made me furious that i've almost committed a sin, up till now, i just wish he wasn't my father"
his eyes started to water, you can hear his soft sobbing, his hands were shaking, his knees started to fold in, there's this last piece of paper on the table for the final reading
"i'm an anxious person, i cry at night for no reason, i get scared for all the things i can think of, whether it's the thought of losing someone or the thought of losing myself, i was so afraid to disappoint that i have been obssessed with perfection, everytime i look at them, to all the ideal people that has to be chosen first before me, i came to think that i'm no better, i might be a choice, a sudden pick-'
his eyes started to show much sadness, you can hear now the soft cry of a person who hated himself a lot "i have come to the point of thinking that time will come and people will pass, and that's gonna leave me in my darkest days, unheld, in denial and in pain-
i am in pain, because i'm me"
those were the last words he could utter, no wonder he cried so hard for all the letters are marked in the end with his name
