Insides

15. I'm this fucked up.

15. I’m this fucked up.

*laughs*  my *laughs* networks *laughs* fucking *laughs* with *laughs* my *laughs* system *laughs*  I’m *laughs* going *laughs* to *laughs* organise *laughs* my *laughs* folders *laughs*  lol *laughs*  I *laughs* need *laughs*  an *laughs*  upgrade *laughs* lol *laughs* no *laughs* more *laughs* coffee *laughs* for *laughs* me!!!!

Do u think I'll have a weird dream
if I sleep with my eyes open?
I want to try this
but it sounds so creepy and unnatural
but I'm still going to do it
maybe I sleep in peace
or maybe I scream in my sleep
only Allah knows.
But I think the left part of my brain is fucked up
but I don't know the right side of my body
be acting up like
I'm in so much pain
dude
I feel like I burnt myself
and got electrocuted
while dealing with insomnia
and my networks is a poes
I can't someone help me.
I feel better now.
Half my stomach feels swollen
dude
I must be dying *crying*.
This dude is sleeping I'm jealous for real.

Chrissy is so cute
I must say really
she's like
dude
when she tweet something
I get so inspired
I write about it
like damn is
like she's second to you
but you take the cake
like you don't evens have to do anything
and you inspire me.
I love that see
like just the thought of you
inspires me really
you don't even have to try
its so effortless for you.
I think
I should stop and leave you alone sometimes
I don't know why
but I feel its weird that
I obsess about you like this
dude
you so important to me
I hate it
not really
I hate it that no one really relates
and it makes me so mad sometimes
because sometimes
I don't want people to assume shit about us
like listen to me
don't try to make sense out of something
that's never going to make sense to you
its not going to work
they won't get it
if we don't get it like
we fight so many times that
you ask me to leave
just so that Halsey can make a song for us
to forgive each other
that makes no sense
how the actually fuck
is anyone going to understand that
there is no fucking logic in our friendship
no fucking black and white
just an endless landscape of fucking grey
sometimes I think we were just born fucked up
and on good days I feel we just got lucky.

You, Halsey and Chrissy are implanted into my brain
I love you guys
*me basically ripping my hearts out for you*.

Sometimes I think
I should just shut the fuck up
the poor guy must permanently read your shit
his going to fucking get tired of you
and you permanently annoying with your stupid feelings
and your abandonment issues
he knows people are shitty sometimes
and he knows you have family issues
because well they are the worst
especially yours sometimes
I just feel like
I'm overwhelming
and I get quick over my family shit
they don't really surprise me anymore
I don't even want to say you like family
because they ain't shit
I don't even know what to say anymore
so I just end up saying,
damn you something.
I'm too much
I know this
and I'm probably never going to change,
we most certainly never going to change
I don't know
how we are still friends.
We were never in the same class.
We were suppose to end grade 9 already
and I know you put some other girl under girl best friend
when we were grade 10
I think it doesn't matter
there’s no point in me getting jealous
I mean I am but there's no point
you and her have a lot in common
but at least I like her
I can really list you all your jellybeans I like

And no you don't have to read it
*rolls my eyes while laughing from the inside*
then people think I sleep
legit this is most nights thing
I get really mad when I go nothing to write about.