owning the love of my life

chapter 4

CLAIRE
I WRAPPED MYSELF LIKE A BALL, my palms tucked beneath my cheeks under the duvet. Still wearing my work clothes from yesterday, little droplets of tears managed their way down my eyes onto the pillow.

"Eat this Claire, you've not had anything since last night"

I sat up watching her shove the pillow behind me, I scoot back so I can lean on it against the headboard. I collect the tray of toast and coffee from her hand.

"Thank you" I whispered

"When do you want to fix for her funeral?"

"Tomorrow" I managed to say

"I'll take care of it, in the meantime, you need to be strong for her"

Her saying that only makes me feel worse. Feeling strong meant moving on, i don't want to move on! I was boiling inside and i couldn't even show it. I tamed my anger which I'd always done. My phone chimed with a text message from my mum asking what i have planned for my birthday next week. My left hand clenched hard on the tray, my mom doesn't know she just lost her grandchild. She doesn't know she had a grandchild. I set the tray down on the bedside table, the urge to eat totally gone. I dropped my face in my palms, in despair and total wreck.  Rebecca had gone to take care of the funeral preparations that only had in attendance, myself and her. Just the two of us saying goodbye to my angel. That hurt more. I wrapped Fletcher in my arms, soaking its head with tears.

I WOKE UP TO THE SOUND OF my doorbell continuously ring, i wasn't expecting anyone and Rebecca has the spare key so she's obviously not the one. I let it ring thinking the person outside would accept that I'm not around. It stopped ringing, i almost fell back into sleep when it started again. I made my way towards the door, i opened it and within a second i saw Damon standing in front of me in my living room.

"Coffee?" I asked

"You look terrible Claire, have you been crying?"  I'm sure he got the hint from my puffy eyes.

"Tea?" I went on

"Will you please talk to me. What happened?"

"I'm fine, what are you doing here?"

"I didn't hear from you and you not picking up my call nor responding to my messages made me worried. I wanted to know if you're doing ok"

"I'm fine" i was trying so hard not to cry in front of him. I tried so hard taming how i felt.

"You are still in yesterday's outfit Claire, tell me what happened, you can trust me"

I was close to breaking down, he was pushing it further with the need to know what's wrong.

"It's 10 AM, you'll be late for work Damon, i think you should head on now" i wanted him gone so i can break down alone.

"You and i know damn well i can get there any time i want" he walked closer to me, tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. I reacted to his touch, not sexually, but emotionally. He drew his lips closer to mine, i almost thought he was going to kiss me.

"Tell.me.whats.wrong.God.damn.it.claire"

"Can't you see i want to be alone, just go, leave, i don't want you here, i don't want you to see me like this!" i yelled

I broke down in tears, falling on my knees. I cried so hard i passed out in minutes.

I WOKE UP TO THE TOUCH OF A hand raking my hair back while i laid on the bed. It was Rebecca's.

"What happened?" I asked

"You passed out Claire, thank God your boss was there when it happened."