So Cruel, yet so Beautiful. [ON HOLD]

Chapter 39 - We All Lose Sometimes

"Mostly it is loss which teaches us about the worth of things."

*Matthew*

A week has already passed since the meeting and I was starting to feel anxious. I realised I was starting to loose my patience much more, snapping orders at everyone. I was becoming harsh towards the people who were trying to help me.

Late nights, when I was asleep, I would wake up countless of times in a cold sweat. Nightmares were clouding my dreams and they were all the same. Alexandra being held in a cell being tortured. After the forth night of the same thing I gave up on sleeping and never closed my eyes once.

The seventh day of Alexandra being gone, the planning and training of troops were continuing as usual. But I felt different in a way.

I was leaning on the edge of Alexandra's desk, Conrad and I decided to have a private discussion regarding our progress thus far. My eyes were blurry as I tried reading the pages Conrad put in front of me. I squinted at the words which made them focus. My chest was aching making me breath heavily. My head started spinning leaving dizzy. At this point I wasn't paying any attention and I think Conrad saw that too.

"Matthew, are you okay?" I heard him ask with a worried tone in his voice.

I nodded, "Yeah."

"Are you sure? You look very pale and your breathing a little heavy. I think you should see a doctor," he said, his eyebrows furrowed in to a frown.

"I'm fine," I told him, a hint of anger in my voice. It was getting harder to breath. I felt Conrad's hand on my shoulder as he gave me a concerned look.

He said, "Matthew, you're not fine. Let me help you."

"I said I'm fine," I said furiously and pulled his hand off of my shoulder and pushed past him.

Immediately I felt my body trembling and dark spots clouded my vision. I fell to the ground after a few steps due to my legs being unable to function. I heard Conrad call my name, but his voice sounded distant as if he were calling from somewhere else. My body felt numb, I couldn't move any of my muscles. I wanted tovsay something, but I couldn't.

The last thing I saw Conrad, who was knelt next to me. He was shaking me in an effort to get me to stay awake, but it was to late. Soon my vision went dark and I slipped into the black abyss.

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My eyes opened slowly as I regained my consciousness little by little. When I focused a little harder I realised I was in a strange, unfamiliar room, it had white walls and one window. I was lying on a bed and I heard soft beeps from beside me. Looking down at my arm I saw needles and tubes sticking out of them connecting me to a machine. I concluded that Conrad must have brought me to the pack hospital after I blacked out.

I glanced around the room and saw Conrad sitting in an armchair nearby. He sat with his arms crossed over his chest and I could see his eyes were closed. I gave a slight groan in an effort to signal to him that I was awake. His eyes opened and I saw relief wash over him as he sighed.

"Thank the Goddess, I thought you died on me back in the office," he said shaking his head, leaning forward and placing his elbows on his legs.

I chuckled softly, "That woman won't take me that easily."

"Yeah,because you're stubborn as fuck," Conrad added.

I breathed out a sigh as a dull ache spread through my chest. I looked back at him, "What happened? How long was I out?"

"Well, the doctor said your symptoms point to exhaustion, lack of sleep and as to how long, you were out for five hours," he answered, stretching his arms above his head and yawning.

"You sat here for five hours? I'm touched," I said sarcasticly and he chuckled.

"No, Lisa and I rotated every hour. She'll be back in a few minutes. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to tell the doctor you're awake," he said before getting up and leaving.

I stared up at the ceiling and breathed in deeply. The beeps of the monitor were already starting to get on my nerves and my legs were beginning to cramp up. I hated hospitals, I hated to be taken care of because it made me feel guilty.

Negative thoughts started filling my mind, but then I heard someone walk in. I looked over to the door to see Lisa. She glanced at me and when she saw that I was awake a joyful smile grew on her face. She hurried over to me took my hand in hers.

"Oh Matthew, thank goodness you're alright! I was so worried. Conrad called and said you passed out and I didn't know what to do or what to say," she spoke with concern.

I gave her a slight smile, "Thank you, Lisa, for being here. And I'm sorry for making you worry about me, especially at a time like this."

She used her hand and brushed away my hair, placing a kiss on my forehead. "I'm glad you're alright, dear."

Just as she said that Conrad came back with a doctor following close behind him. I recognised him as Mason, the guy who treated my wounds after the trial. He stood at the foot of the bed holding a file in his hands.

"How are we doing, Matthew? You gave us quite the scare," he said.

"I'm doing fine."

He walked over to the otjer side of the bed and pulled out a small flashlight. He shone it into each of my eyes as he continued, "That's good to hear. I believe Conrad has already told you that you experienced exhaustion, a burn out to put it simple. I have to ask, how many hours of sleep are you getting?"

"Mason, the question isn't how many hours I'm getting. It's when was the last time I slept," I told him.

He glanced at Lisa and Conrad, then asked, "When was the last time then?"

"Well, I'm glad you asked. Today's Wednesday, so that would be Saturday night," I replied.

He looked shocked at my answer. Then he said, "Matthew, that was three days ago, why haven't you slept?"

That question made angry, I snapped back a reply, "My mate is missing. I've been having nightmares of her being tortured. I need to find her before I loose my fucking mind."

I could see they were becoming uncomfortable as they looked away from me. The silence was broken when Mason said, "We're going to keep you here for tonight to keep an eye on you. We'll give you something to help you sleep."

Then Mason left and Lisa said she wanted to speak to the nurse appointed to me. Conrad was stood to the side as he looked at the ground. Lisa left us and the silence returned. He headed to the door and before leaving I said, "I'm sorry, Conrad, I've been losing my temper more each day."

He turned and I could see the sadness in his eyes as he spoke, "I don't blame you, Matthew, but remember you weren't the only person who lost Alexandra."

Then he left. And I was alone with my thoughts again.

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Hey guys! MERRY CHRISTMAS! (if you celebrate it) Thought I might put out this chapter early as a gift from me to you. I sincerely hope you guys a have a wonderful day and know that I love you guys so much!

Anyway, I hope you like the chapter and please vote, comment and share.

Love you guys!
Thea