The Draw (A Bastille fanfic)

32. Nervousness

Those two days spent in Spain were two of the best days ever. We had a great balance of exploring the beautiful area, drinking delicious wine and mind blowing sex. It was so good to get away with Kyle and have a stress free few days, even though we both knew as soon as he turned his phone back on he would be inundated with calls, texts and emails informing him of all things to do with the band. We had chosen to not turn either of our phones on throughout the whole holiday, deciding that we wanted to have a totally secluded holiday with no one able to contact us.

“Two days I want off. Just two days! I can’t even have that without having a thousand messages.” Kyle groaned as he turned his phone on shortly after we had landed back in England. We were stood waiting for passport control and I could see Kyle getting restless.

“Hmm?” I grumbled back at him. I glanced over to see him busily typing away on his phone and I sighed. I had only just woken up after managing to fall asleep for the short flight so I couldn’t be bothered to listen to his moaning.

Instead I decided to get my own phone out to see if I had any messages myself. I highly doubted that anyone would have tried to contact me so I was shocked when I turned my phone on to see a string of texts.

I rolled my eyes as I realised that they were all from Dan. I had left on a sour note so I was reluctant to read any of the messages that had flashed up on my screen.

I slowly scrolled up to the top of the messages and began to trawl through them all, not realising the extent of what I was about to read.

Friday 9.16 am -“Sorry for last night. I don’t want you to move out x”-

Friday 2.20pm -“Taaaaay don’t be mean, please reply x”-

Friday 8.58 pm -“So you’re not even going to reply to my texts? Real mature”-

Friday 8.59 pm -“I just want to know if you’ve actually moved out or not”-

Friday 11.32 pm - “Fiuxck tyou jusdt speakk to mer”-

Saturday 11.46 am -“I’m sorry for the drunken text last night but Tay will you please speak to me. I’m going crazy over here”-

Saturday 7.44 pm -“Fine, be a fucking child. Just call me when you grow the fuck up”-

Sunday 4.22 pm -“The fucking police have just turned up at our door Tay. What the heck is going on?”-

Sunday 4.22 pm - “If you’re in trouble please let me know, I can help you x”-

Sunday 4.23 pm - “I know you and Kyle are together cause I can’t get hold of him either. What have you done? Is it that bad you needed to run away? Call me please. I love you sis x” -

I panicked as I read the last few texts. The police. They were looking for me. They knew. They definitely knew.

I looked at the time quickly. Dan had sent that message only a few hours ago. I considered being able to get out of the airport safely and run away. Running away seemed like a much better deal than getting arrested.

I glanced to my side. Kyle was there still on his phone. We were nearing passport control and I had to tell him.

“Kyle.”

“Hang on Tay.” Kyle shushed me as he busily tapped his screen.

“Kyle please.” I pleaded desperately.

“What?!” Kyle snapped suddenly. He turned his head to see my panicked expression. “Fuck I’m so sorry I’m just sorting stuff out. What’s up? Can it wait?”

“No not really.” I said quickly, turning my body to face his and holding his forearms tightly. “Babe I did something really really bad and I think something’s about to happen. If it does, remember I love you and I’m sorry. If it doesn’t, I’ll tell you later on I promise.” I placed a frantic kiss on his lips and turned to face the people in the queue in front of me, acting like I hadn’t just said all of that.

“It’s okay.” Kyle gripped my hand and gave me an encouraging squeeze. “Whatever the fuck you’re talking about I love you too.” I quickly turned my head to face him and gave him a worried smile. “It’s not okay is it?” I shook my head anxiously. “I’m scared now.” He turned to face in front of him again and then tightened his grip on my hand. “Can you not tell me now?” I shook my head again, glancing at the members of the police force who were around the area. He followed my eye line to see what I was looking at. “Oh fuck Taylor what have you done?” He sighed.

I had let him down. I had totally let him down. I had suffered for a month and it was like as soon as I finally enjoyed myself for 3 days I was going to suffer again.

My breathing quickened and time stopped still whilst I considered my future yet again. Less than 2 days before I had been imagining what my future with Kyle would be like. At this point I didn’t know whether I would even be free for my future. I thought about my past too. I had lived rough on the streets; surely I could handle being locked in a cell. Surely the worst place to live is on the streets?

I edged forwards as I was called up to show my passport. My legs trembled as I stood in front of the man. He took my passport and scanned it quickly and then nodded me through. That was it.  I stopped worrying about being caught out for a moment before I realised that the police were still looking for me and now I had to come clean to Kyle.

We went through the rest of the airport without speaking at all. We collected our luggage and left the airport before Kyle stopped suddenly. He grabbed my hand and dragged me to face me. He stared into my eyes and I saw the concern running through his own hazel eyes.  “You need to tell me what the fuck that was all about now.”

“Wait until we get home, please.” I held his hand and dragged him towards the nearest taxi. I felt his eyes on me the whole journey home but I couldn’t exactly come clean in the back of a taxi. I was almost relieved when we got caught in traffic, hoping that somehow the stretch of time would make him forget about what he wanted to talk to me about.

We arrived at his house and I felt my heart beating at full speed. I was about to come clean about the secret that I had been keeping for the past month and I couldn’t have been more nervous.