The Way We Are

Chapter One

 "This has got to stop. It has been two years. You need to move on."

"Who are you to tell me when to move on or how long to mourn? It is not your right."

Sighing she strided over to the windows and pushed the dark curtains open letting bright light filter into the room.

"Please don't do that," I hissed. "The sunlight hurts my eyes."

"Of course, it does; you have been held up in the dark for days."

Why could my family not leave me alone to wallow in misery? My heart was eternally broken. Sitting on the bed she looked at me with disapproval and pulled the sheets from my body.

"I am your sister and she was my mother too, so I have every right," she said aloud. Placing emphasis on the word mother.

"We are not telling you to forget her, Evie. All we are asking is for you to get out of this funk. She would never have wanted this for you. You are not happy. You avoid everyone and only get out of this house for work. We basically have to shove you out the door every day."

"She was all I had Bailey. Everything I am is because of her. The simplest task I do reminds me of her. With her gone there is no purpose in my life. I have nothing to live for. I miss her with all my heart," I whined dejectedly.

Many days I cried myself into exhaustion. Crying for the fact that she was gone, the fact that she would not be there to give me advice and comfort me when I was upset or the fact that she would never get to see me achieve any of my goals.

I hated my sister for calling me out. She was right. I could still hear my mother telling me, "You have given up so much for me but promise me the day I die you live your life. Enjoy everything you were never able to do when I was here."

Contrary to her demand I spiraled out of control. Depression was my main companion. I became isolated blocking out the world. Simple conversations with family was difficult, so trying to be polite to other people was futile. No one understood my pain or turmoil. Being alone made it better because I didn't need to think. Wrapped in endless despair I felt Bailey gently rubbing my back.

"Hey things will get better, I promise," she tried saying convincingly but I could hear worry in her trembling voice.

She pesters me every day. The worst part was I could not stay mad at her. The longest we have gone without speaking has been a week and it killed  me. It does not help the situation that I am the instigator to all the fights. Bailey is my older sister by fifteen years and second mother. Growing up I spent more time with her than our mother. She was a calm and gentle soul. The mediator between the sisters. Never an unruffled feather even in the worst situations. She was the only person I was willing to have around and not be surly with.

My fondest memory of her was as a scrawny teenager with two long pigtails holding a chubby baby on her hips singing. I was always glued to her hips. All her friends would tease her, laughing anf asking how she never tipped trying to carry me around when I weighed the same as her.

"You need to get up so we can get this place cleaned. It is a pigsty. Afterwards I will make you banana pancakes with maple syrup. How does that sound?"

It took me a few minutes to consider the offer. I reluctantly nodded and slowly rolled out of bed to go to the bathroom. This was going to be a long day. One I was not happily anticipating.

I had been off work for two days and not budged from bed except to use the toilet. Glancing in the mirror I disgusted myself. My hair was matted, my eyes were puffy and bloodshot from crying and I had drool on my mouth. Wiping the drool away with my robe sleeve I proceeded to brush my teeth. Yuck...seriously I needed a major overhaul but for now a shower would have to do. Deciding to take my time and enjoy it, I shampooed my hair to get the knots out and shaved as well. The warm water helped relaxing my muscles and calming my nerves. After getting out I slipped into one of my mom's dress. Her dresses were soft and loose. When we were getting rid of her things, I had to keep a few of her clothes. I went to the medicine cabinet and popped a few Tylenols to help with my pounding headache. Then slowly started dragging my feet downstairs to my execution.