Infinite Miles

Chapter 4 - Goodbye

"Because how do you live like this?"

"I asked that very same question when I got turned. And at first I wasn't living. In the mansion I wasn't living, I was surviving. But then I came home. Home. The one place I never thought I could go back to but did. And I saw my parents again. I saw you. And I swear it was the closest I felt to being alive."

There's something like hope building up inside of Miles. A tiny flicker of light. Something telling him that maybe it really won't always be like this. That it will get easier. Please get easier.

All Miles wants is to feel normal again. And when Axel links their hands together it's almost as if they're both sitting in his room again, hiding from Miles' mom, smiling and laughing and talking as if it were like any other normal day.

"We both know what death feels like." Axel says. "Maybe now we can figure out what it's like to be alive again."

•••••••••••

It's impossible to put into words what Miles felt as he died besides the word 'death'. It was indescribable. As was the absolute shock he felt when he opened his eyes after closing them for what he thought was the very last time.

The first thing Miles saw were the stars. White dots scattered in the night sky. The leaves of the neighbouring trees hung like chandeliers on the branches above him. The green looked almost black. But not as dark as Axel's eyes.

There was a look in them that Miles couldn't decipher. Fear? Sadness? Regret? Relief? His eyes were a whirlwind of emotions. It made Miles feel sick. He didn't like the look on Axel's face then. Miles didn't want him to look so sad. But before he could comfort Axel, Miles realised his own discomfort.

He remembered the pain. The memory of the stake that had been plunged into his heart. The excruciating ache being the last thing he felt. But the pain he feels now is different. It's on a much lower scale and rather than it being spread throughout his body, it's in one concentrated place. His neck.

Miles doesn't know why it took him that long to figure it out.

Why Axel looked so scared yet relived when he woke up.

How he was even able to wake up in the first place.

"Axel...."

"I'm sorry."

"What the fuck did you just do?"

As one could have guessed, Axel flinched at the word.

•••••••••••

"You're allowed to hate me for what I did to you Miles."

Miles shakes his head. "I don't want to anymore. I'm done hating. Do you know how hard it is to hate someone you love? It's excruciating."

"Trust me, I know." Axel says sadly as he thinks about both Elias and his dad.

Miles, sensing this and wanting to comfort his boyfriend, presses a soft kiss on his cheek, whispering "You still have me." And snuggles into Axel's side. "And I know I haven't been myself lately but you'll always have me."

"That's all I'll ever need."

"You guys have finally made up?!" Sydney shouts as she abruptly storms into Axel's bedroom, disrupting the pair.

"Sydney!" They exclaim at the same time.

"I'm sorry. I was just getting so sick of you two not talking to each other. I'm just happy everything is back to normal. Or I guess as normal as it's going to get for the three of us."

It was supposed to be four.

Each of them have some variation of the thought.

Sydney grasps the necklace around her neck with the letter 'J' on it and takes a deep breath.

"We should do something for him." Miles suggests. "A memorial maybe? Just so we have a chance to actually say goodbye."

"Yeah." Sydney agrees, nodding her head slightly. "That'll be nice."

Axel offers her a hug and Sydney welcomes the feelings of his arms around her, Miles' too as they form a group hug.

It'll get easier. She reminds herself. It'll all get easier.

When night falls, the three of them head to the river bank.

Sydney told the two boys how Julian always wanted to travel, and so they bought a tiny wooden boat and placed a picture of Julian on it.

They take turns to say their goodbyes.

"I'll start." Axel says. He keeps his goodbye short and makes sure to mention the times that Julian made him laugh and all the positivity he brought. And once done, places a rose onto the boat.

Miles goes second and tries to keep his composure but cracks, sobbing as he explains how if he had gotten help or intervened when the vampires had taken Julian, that he would still be here. But Sydney and Axel reassure Miles, telling him that nothing was his fault. He too puts his rose down onto the little boat.

Now, finally, it's Sydney's turn.

"Julian, you were my best friend. My brother. My other half. The part of me I lost when I died. And losing you felt like losing myself again. You of all people deserved better. I thought you were going to be there, by my side forever. And it hurts me to have to say goodbye this early, especially when I thought you were the one person in my life I would never have to say goodbye to. I didn't think that I would have to go through this alone. But luckily I don't. I have Axel and Miles. And now I'm going to learn to live for me and you. I'm always going to miss you Julian. And I'm always going to love you too."

She lays the last of the three roses onto the boat and places it atop of the river where is bobs gently. Sydney pushes the boat away with her fingertips and they all watch as it floats away.

Axel has already got his arms around Sydney again. She whispers a final goodbye before the boat is finally out of view.