Bear No Malice | Paul Lahote

Fifteen

My fingers twirled pieces of grass between them as I breathed in the early morning air. The sun had barely risen over the peak of the hills surrounding me but I'd never felt more awake. Rays of light highlighted the flannel pattern of the jacket I wore as I stared at the tombstone I was sat in front of.

Everett John Mason.

The inscription was something his grandmother had chosen and though it held no meaning for me, it meant the world to her and that was enough for me. I wasn't the only one who'd lost him. I still had the memories of our time and the clothes of his I kept close to me, as well as this moment of peace.

It was the kind of peace that Rhett loved about his mountain home. The sound of the birds in the distance as remaining wildlife teemed around so closely, deep in the green sea of mountain trees. The quiet rising of the sun that stretched further over the mountaintops, straining to be seen over their mighty glory. The feeling of holding the hand of a lover, walking barefoot through the dewy morning grass with a bottle of whiskey in the other hand, relishing the fact that you'd found the other half of your soul. Those were the things Rhett lived for, and they were the things I'd forever hold close to my heart.

I glanced down at my watch, knowing I'd have to leave soon. Kara and I had spent almost three weeks here, but time couldn't stand still forever. I had a life back in Washington that I wasn't going to throw away, but instead keep living. Rhett wouldn't want me to waste away in his absence though Lord knows I wanted to.

With a sigh I pushed myself up carefully, the pain in my abdomen now only a dull ache. I placed one final kiss on his tombstone before making my way down the narrow gravel drive to where Kara's car was sat waiting for me. I pulled the gates shut behind me, sealing away the family cemetery.

"Are you ready, Em?" Kara was leaning against her car, arms crossed against the chilly morning air.

"Yeah, I'm ready. Let's get this drive from hell over with." Kara laughed and patted my shoulder.

"It's not that bad. It just takes forever to get there."

My eyes rolled and I smirked over at her. "Yeah, that's kind of the point. We should have flown."

"We can't afford plane tickets," Kara reminded.

"But we can afford to pay out the ass for gas?" I argued. "What kind of backwards logic is that?"

Kara's silence only further proved my argument and I hummed to myself. "Shut up. Driving is therapeutic."

"Naps are therapeutic, so I'm going to take one," I joked. "Wake me up when it's my turn to drive."
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It took almost two days but eventually the familiar landscape of La Push came into view. I was behind the wheel as Kara's knee bounced excitedly next to me, anticipating seeing her girlfriend after so long. Had my foot not been operating the petals I would have been doing the same, though for much different reasons.

"Ugh! I'm so happy to be back. No offense Emma, at all, but I'm just ready to be home."

I swallowed hard and gave a weak smile. "I can imagine."

Kara seemed to realize my hesitation. "You know, you don't have to go straight back. Sue called you didn't she? Go see her and Leah before you go to the house."

The house.

"It's probably a fucking mess by now. The amount of dust is probably disgusting," I muttered. "At least I'll have something to keep me busy."

"I can come with you," Kara suggested quietly. "If you need me to."

An ache spread in my chest at her generous offer. I wanted to badly to say yes, to have her stand by me as I jumped back into the life I once shared. But I'd been selfish long enough with her, and I knew I couldn't do it. She had a life and a partner that she hadn't seen in almost a month because of me.