Bear No Malice | Paul Lahote

Ten

I sat on the porch holding my ultrasound photo delicately between my fingers. The sun was beginning to set behind the trees as my baby and I waited for Rhett to come home from working with Jake. My legs were tucked beneath my body as I smoothed out the warm quilt Sue had given me as a congratulations for our new addition. I gazed down with a smile as I tried to decipher different things about my baby in the grainy photo.

"Emma."

I looked up in surprise to see Paul standing there, watching me apprehensively. It had been weeks since the argument between him and Rhett, all but confirming my husband's suspicions that he had feelings for me. I discreetly pulled the ultrasound photo underneath the blanket and shifted to face him better.

"What are you doing here, Paul?" My voice was gentle, but an edge was behind my words. I knew Rhett would be back soon and I didn't want another brawl to break out on my front lawn.

Hesitantly he took a step forward, continuing to move until he was only a couple feet from me. "I needed to make sure you were alright. And to... apologize for how I've been acting." I raised my brow but let him continue. "I just...I can't help that..."

"You don't have to check on me, Paul. I'm fine." My voice was soft but firm. I didn't want him causing trouble within my household like before.

He scoffed and shook his head. "Yes, actually, it is my place. I haven't seen you for weeks, Emma. I was worried."

I was surprised at his confession, but also touched. A part of me warmed at the thought of him worrying over me, wondering how I was. I brushed it off as my pregnancy hormones.

"Well, I'm good. I got back from my first appointment earlier today and I've been sitting here since," I answered honestly. The muscles in his body tensed at the word 'appointment' and a small tug of guilt pulled at my abdomen.

Paul's head nodded mechanically and his eyes glanced towards my covered midsection every so often. "How is...everything? Good?"

I smiled faintly. "Yeah, everything's going perfect. Except for the puking part."

We both chuckled lightly at my statement and I felt the tension begin to lift around us. "Yeah, no offense, but you can keep that all to yourself. Puking isn't really my thing."

I rolled my eyes. "It isn't really anyone's thing. I haven't met one person who actually enjoys throwing up."

My eyes met his and it was suddenly so peaceful, so calm around me. I felt at ease watching the soft smile play around Paul's lips and the way that he now casually stood across from me. It almost felt like I was sitting here with Rhett. Except...this was Paul.

"Why?" I finally asked. "Why me?"

Though there was no elaboration toy words beyond what I'd said, the shift in Paul's eyes was enough to tell me he understood what I was asking.

"You wouldn't understand," he muttered. "I can't explain."

"Try," I pleaded. "Because I don't get it. You've hardly said ten words to me outside of this conversation, I've only been here for a few months and yet you have feelings for me?" No response. "You barely even know me, so how could you love me?"

The war waging in Paul's eyes was evident and I felt the struggle from where I sat. "It's not that easy, Emma. I don't think you'd understand."

I stood up and moved until I was right in front of him, forcing him to look at me. "I can't understand if you don't at least try."

My eyes widened as his obscenely warm hand raised to hold my face, his dark eyes that were normally hard and angry now holding so many emotions I almost fell backwards at the force of them. His eyes flickered between my eyes and my lips every couple of seconds but I still didn't move. His head slowly leaned towards mine, and as his lips just barely brushed against my cheek I snapped out of it. I stepped backwards quickly, holding my blanket against me.