Elf, castled, good and proper
Huddles on g1.
Queen's bishop hovers near.
One question plagues Elf's agile brain…
"What the heck am I do'n here?
There is so little time left…
My magic is run'n low…
We need to win this chess match
And get the real Santa ready to go!"
Elf stood tall, with brief attention,
From atop a marshmallow pawn.
"Yo G'Jane! I'll trade you a knight for your d6 pawn,
If you give up your king's rook…
We can standoff
And close this jacked up chess book!"
"You got it" yelled Jane
With a flick of her wrist…
She snapped her whip
And advanced to end game.
"Barbie, play your Queen's gambit
(like it's your first move)
And I'll take you out for ham biscuits!"
"Yes M'am!" barked Barbie…
"But, if I'm gonna throw this match,
There better be honey!"
"Come on, Ladies"
Elf jumped up and down
"There's toys to make over in Santa Town!"
Faster than a dandelion sends out ballerina seeds,
The gang had chessed out and
Cut through a secret tunnel Boris had found…
To Santa's workshop sheds.
There, they found Santa wringing his hands.
"I'm in such trouble!
That Imposter sprayed everything with
PU d' ham!
All the dolls are tempting bears
Cause their frocks smell like Spam!!
The Jack-in-the-box is trying to lick the firetrucks, and all the bikes are hiding from the stuffies cause they smell like spiced ham hocks! "
Elf turned to Rob and demanded with a decisive nod…
" Rob! This is it. You've trained your whole limey life for this single moment.
Get in there and lime up these toys!
I know you can do it!
Start juicing, my boy! "
And then, Rob showed all who looked on with awe…
The first Christmas miracle…
The reason for his being.
All the gang cheered as he
Rubbed off piggy- porky smellings.
All that was left behind
Was the refreshing scent of lime and lemons.
" CHESS BOARDING THROUGH TUNNEL NINE...
BOARDING CHESS THROUGH NINE...
TUNNEL NINE!...
CHESS BOARD OPEN...
oh, bother!!!"
the loudspeaker cried.
