Habit

Chapter 7

I pulled away from the embrace Miss Lovato had me in, and looked into her eyes. I always gave myself so much credit in the art of being able to read people, but it never dawned on me, that even adults can feel what we feel.

I saw all the pain in her eyes, but also, freedom. She was free from her burdens, or at least working hard to be, and it refreshed me with the hope I had thought I lost when that boy dragged me into the locker room earlier.

I smiled at her through my tears, and whispered a, ''Thank you.'' before standing up as the bell rang signaling lunch. I had missed my second and third period but it was alright, considering they were only gym and free period for me.

I made way to my locker and opened it. I looked at myself in the mirror, and cleaned off my smeared make up, leaving only a remotely lighter cover in comparison to my usual clown mask. (Figuratively speaking)

I walked into the cafeteria, and ignored all the whistles I got from the usual group of pigs that paid me daily visits. I never ate and anyone with common sense would find it an issue to be worried about but, I didn't exactly have anyone to fall back on in this school. I used to, but that was before the incident.

I looked around, searching for a place to sit, and found a girl sitting by herself, who seemed to be praying before attending her meal. I hesitated in sitting with her since even though I was a social reject, a whore gets at least more interaction than a saint, but this was a new me, and an opportunity rose so I walked over to her.

A few eyes followed me, one being Lauren's, and all burst out laughing when I sat across from the girl. It was a weird sight, even I had to admit. I waited patiently for her to finish praying before I asked, ''Hi, Ally, right? Do you mind if I sit here?'' Her eyes widened when she saw who I was but she shook her head none the less. At least she wasn't a stuck up child of God.

I smiled weakly at her before nodding and folding my hands in front of me. She watched me quizzically but curiously as she opened her lunch box. I was slightly amused but also self- cautious.

She narrowed her eyes as she bit into her sandwich, then she spoke up, ''Why are you sitting here exactly?'' My face flushed red, and I didn't really know what to say, why was I sitting here?I shifted uncomfortably before saying,

''Well I uh, I'm tired of being who I've been, and decided to change with God's forgiveness, of course.'' I saw her eyes light up, and she smiled warmly at me. She grabbed one of my hands and said, ''I'm glad, I've been praying for you, Camila.'' I gasped, and pulled my hand back.

I felt my eyes well with tears, and I choked out, ''you- you have?'' I looked at her in disbelief and she nodded with a sympathetic look on her face,

''I've been praying for you ever since I first heard about your change in behavior, our sophomore year. Every morning, every night, I pray particular offerings, one always being you.'' I looked at her and tried to find any signs that she could be lying, maybe she'd burst out laughing and point at me while everybody around us joined in, but I couldn't find one, and the laughing never came.

''But, why? I mean, we don't even talk, you don't even know me, why would you pray for someone who doesn't even matter to you?'' She looked at me and pursed her lips. She looked to be deep in thought and answered, ''I guess it's because I knew who you were before you changed, because I know who your parents are, and because we're all the same people Camila, we are just surviving this world differently. I hope you find whatever you're looking for with your newly granted forgiveness.'' She gave me a small smile before standing up and leaving me speechless.

A few tears shed from my eyes, and for some compelling reason, I couldn't stop myself from running after her and pulling her in for a hug. She tensed at first before returning the gesture.

Everyone who was near us was watching but I didn't even care, maybe Ally wouldn't want to be my friend, but if she ever needed one, I'd be the first one to sign up. I whispered a ''Thank you'' into her ear before letting her go.

There was still hope even when you couldn't see it.

When I let go of Ally, I turned to the snickers I heard coming from a nearby table. It was Lauren's table. ''You know, you can hug and hang with Ally the Saint all you want but you'll never be even half of who she is. She can't save you, whore.'' She smirked.

My jaw tightened and I leaned forward, looking her in the eyes, ''You can hang with all of your straight, skin-deep, so called perfect friends, but you'll never be even half of who they are. They can't save you either.'' I stressed my last sentence, and saw her eyes narrow. Before she could say anything, I started walking away.

I knew I had pushed a button and as much as I wanted something deeper than our encounter two nights ago, it wouldn't mean that I'd keep kissing her feet. I wanted to be enough for Lauren, but I knew that letting her push me around without a fight wouldn't exactly make her want me. She always belittled me, and I was done letting that happen.

I heard her calling after me, but I didn't once turn around, I knew I won this battle, but I also knew I had just set fire to a war, and I wasn't entirely sure if my small flame was strong enough to take on what was to come the next couple of days. Everything was going to change.

Finally.