Issues Fanfic

Dirty Sheets

Jason's hands slid up my side and I resisted a shudder and closed my eyes. Two days and everything was like it used to be. Only this time, I wasn't blind and I wasn't fighting back. He could do whatever he wanted, with whoever he wanted. Times like these were the only times I allowed him to touch me, because that's all I ever was to him and Michael. Someone to take away their loneliness.

His lips crashed into mine and I put in minimal effort to return the kiss. Not that he cared. His lips felt wrong, but familiar. Familiar is what I needed. I needed to be back in my comfort zone and build the walls back up.

My phone buzzed against the wood of the bedside table and I pushed him off of me breifly to answer it, but he didn't care. He continued to undress himself. The number was private but I answered, expecting Beck's work phone.

"Hello?" My voice was croaky and brittle from lack of speech over the last few days. "Danny," His voice was smooth but edgy and I flinched. "Danny, please talk to me." I squeezed my eyes shut as if it would make his voice disappear. I liked it better when I was numb. Suddenly, Jason's large hands pushed me back against the bed and he swiped the phone from my hands.

"Who is this?" He spoke into the phone and my eyes widened.

I heard Michael reply but couldn't understand what he said. Jason just laughed. "Sorry, she's busy with me right now." He hung up and my heart pounded in my chest imagining Michael's hurt expression. After all, he was still my friend. I bit my lip as the phone continued to ring. Jason stopped and groaned and I sighed. "I have to go." I whispered. I couldn't go through with what I was doing if I wasn't numb. I didn't want to feel anything.

Jason angrily ran a hand through his messy curls and sighed. "Fine." He got up and left as I got dressed. My phone buzzed and I reluctantly answered it. "Hello?"

"How could you?" His voice was croaky and broken like mine, but his had emotion behind it. I shut my eyes again.

"Not now, please."

"Then when? I need to see you." I swallowed down the lump in my throat and sighed.

------------------------

I sat nervously in the Starbucks booth, fidgeting and biting my nails down as my eyes shifted to the door every time the bell rang out. I was sitting exactly where I had when I first met the boys. The bell rang again and I looked up.

His hair was slightly longer, and he was taller than I remembered. His beard looked rough and I bit my lip so hard, the faint taste of blood hit my tongue.

His eyes found me and he sat across from me. I heard him take in a deep breath and he reached across the table, covering my small hands that were bundled in my jumper under his.

I looked up and he gave me a small smile. "I'm sorry." He said quietly. I looked down, trying to keep my eyes from his.

"Don't be," My voice was small and my stomach was doing nervous flips.

"So, how have you been?" He asked and I shifted a little. "Okay. How was tour?"

"It was great, but we all missed you a lot."

He frowned but his hand squeezed mine lightly. "I wish you would have stayed."

"I couldn't." I muttered, the blood from my lip tasted stronger and I wiped it on my sleeve.

"Why not?"

I didn't have a good enough answer to say aloud, but I knew that how I was feeling was because I couldn't stay. I couldn't face him.

"I just couldn't." I insisted and he leant over the table slowly. I lifted my head to meet his gaze and watched as his hand reached up to my face, where his thumb grazed my lower lip, drawing back a small amount of blood.

"Let me make it up to you." He insisted and I shook my head, no. "You don't have anything to make up for."

"Yes, I do. Ditch that jerk and come back with me." His eyes were big and sincere, but the thought terrified me.

"I want to but I can't." I whispered, and his expression looked hurt. "He doesn't love you, Danny. Don't waste your time with him." His voice was pleading and I could feel myself shaking, tears ready to spill over my eyes. You don't love me either.

I closed my eyes and took in a deep breath. If I'm going to keep lying to myself, I may aswell go with Michael. At least he would pretend he feels the same way.

"Okay."