My Poems And Short Stories

2 a.m. thoughts

Sometimes I wonder why I am so soft.
I wonder why I am so apathetic.
Empathetic.
So forgiving
And emotional.
That rare type of human being that thinks of others and their needs before myself.
Who rarely gets angry.
Who doesn't fight.
Happy-go-fucking-lucky.
The person
Who cares about others more than
Myself.
The first to go "have you eaten today?" When I haven't had a single
Bite
Or taste.
Or smell.
Or "did you sleep well?"
When I didn't get a single minute.
Restless.
Tossing and turning.
I am nothing compared to the people around me.
I've helped people countless numbers of times.
Stayed up with them.
Sacrificing my sleep to get them to
Stop crying.
To keep the nightmares away.
Helped them escape the darkest of thoughts.
Or scariest of dreams.
Yet I never think of myself.
Not a single thought.
Because my mind is focused on them.
Are they alright?
I may not be, but are they?

Sometimes I think I'm weak.

Then I realize
That others should never have to face their demons alone.
I know how it feels to be alone
And damnit, I would never ever want someone to be in the dark alone like that.
No matter how much it hurts me, I always want that other person to be at ease.
The feeling of safety.
Closure.
I feel what others feel.
If they're happy, so am I.
If they cry, I cry.
No matter the situation.
Whether I understand ot not.

I've always wondered why I've been so uneasy about the dark.
You could call it a fear.
A demon.
Silly as that sounds.
But I realize that this is what some people have to face.
The dark thoughts.
The dark emotions.
The troubles and burdens.
Like a weight on their shoulders.
I want to take that weight away.

In a perfect world everyone would be happy.
No crime.
No diseases.
No illness, mental or physical.
No cancer.
(Too soon)
No death.

Which brings me to
Another fear of mine.
The thing that terrifies me the most.
That keeps me up at night
Quivering.
Crying.
Sobbing.
Kicking
And
screaming.
Sweating.
Anxiety.
A mess.
Bring them back, damn it! 
Blind with the tears of the
"Why's"
And the
"Who will be next".
Again, fearing for others before myself.
My friends.
My parents.
Grandparents.
Great-grandparents, yet
That came too soon.
It is inevitable.
Unpredictable.
And inescapable.
What will happen if they go?
Yanking your loved ones away,
Leaving the unfortunate person who never gets to say goodbye.
Left behind.
In the
Dark.
Wondering why it had to happen to
Them.
What comes after death?
Are they at peace?
Heaven, perhaps?
That's never been something I've believed in.
But that's another story
For a different
Day.

People always tell me.
"19 is too young to be worrying about such things."
They don't understand
How much it
Haunts
Me.
How much it hurts.
Yet I say nothing.
I don't need to burden them
With my problems.
They matter
More.
Than.
Me.

Kindness matters the most.
Be kind.
Be
humble.
Spread the word.
It sounds cheesy and clichè
But
Youll be surprised with
How much it can
Help somebody.