The Orphan Whore

Chapter 12

Chapter 12: Present: Bonita

Adam was kissing me, slowly unbuttoning my shirt when he stopped suddenly. I watched him for a moment. "What is it? I asked quietly, leaning closer to kiss his neck. He seemed to be trying to fight me, but wasn't doing a good job of it. "This...Bo, this isn't helped either of us" he said softly, pushing me away a little. I felt a shot of panic course through my body. "What do you mean?" I whispered, my fingers passing over his jean zipper. Then he violently pushed me back. "God, stop it Bonita! This isn't doing anything good! We aren't getting better, we aren't forgetting anything!" I opened my mouth to protest, to lie, but he interuptted. "No! We...we can't do this. The feelings I have for you....are different. Your a friend Bo, an amazing friend but this...I thought you wanted to forget this too? I thought you wanted to forget about The House and your girl Addi?" he asked me. "Yes, of course I do! It's only been a week Adam give it time!" I said. Even I could hear the neediness in my voice. He was about to say something when I kissed him hard on the lips, pulling him tight to me. I could feel the fight leaving him as I pulled off his shirt, rubbing his chest, pushing him back on the bed. He began kissing me back and began pulling off my shirt. He was kissing me, touching me in all the right places and this was what I needed. I felt needed.

I lay under the covers naked, Adam lying beside me, asleep. It was late and colder than it had been yet. I felt bad, awful even, that it had happened. He had been right. It wasn't helping...but God it felt amazing to be needed. And he understood! He knew what it felt like. But it needed to stop. This would be the last time we did this. For this reason anyway. I stood up and began getting dressed when there was a knock on my door. My heart pounded in my chest. "Who is it?" I called, pulling a t-shirt over my head. I went over to Adam, shaking him awake. "Adam!" I hissed, "Get up!" His eyes fluttered open, but then snapped awake when he saw the panic in my face. "It's Aly. I was wondering if you knew where Adam was! Rob is upset and he won't talk to anyone except Adam when he gets like this..." she said, trailing off. He jumped out the bed, pulling on his clothes quickly. I quickly pulled open the window, shooing him out onto the fire escape. "Um, I think he went to the store for something. I don't remeber" I said quickly as I closed the window behind him. I ran to open the door, smoothing my hair down a little. "Hey. Yeah sorry. I haven't seen him since lunch" I said to Aly, smiling at her. "Whats wrong with Rob?" She sighed a little. "We don't know. He doesn't get like this often. We all thought the therapy sessions with Mr. Vision were helping him." she said, shrugging. I felt a cold shudder pass through my body. "W-what? Why does he need therapy?" I asked, feeling a little sick. "Its about his past. His mom wasn't the best...obviously none of ours really were...but everything he saw happen with her just kind of pushed him too hard. He gets into these...funks I guess. Its hard to explain. He just starts going off by himself...and he hurts himself." she said quietly, shivering. "Wow. I would have never guessed. He's so normal" I said, feeling pain in places that were imunne to pain. Like I was a little girl again...I pushed the thought away.

"Um, maybe I can talk to him" I said. He seemed to like me well enough. Maybe I could talk to him...explain to him about my own mental problems...maybe even tell him what Vision did to me. Aly shrugged again. "Yeah, I guess. It couldn't hurt" she said. I followed her downstaris, my eyes watching the way she moved. I could see how Adam had fallen for her, despite the fact she was his sister. Her body was perfect, her face sweet and innocent, her hair like fire. She would have stood out in The House...I let the thought stop there. I knocked on Rob's door, waiting for a response. None came. I grabbed the doorhandle and turned it, slowly opening the door. Rob was lying on his bed, his own fingernails digging into his arms. I could see small drips of blood beading under his nails. I rushed over to him and pulled his hand away. holding it away from him. Rob let out a high pitch scream of defiance and hit my arm, shoulder, chest and side. I grabbed his other arm before he could hit my face. "Rob! Please Robbie, its alright! I promise! I'm here to help you. Please just listen to me!" I said, wrestling his arms to his side. Suddenly he stopped fighting me and fell into my lap, sobbing, his little body shaking with tears. I pulled him close to me and hugged him, petting his hair, rocking back and forth, humming. He hugged me back. I could feel his tears washing over my shirt. I could feel him soon calming down, his sobs became hiccups, he had stopped shaking so bad. He pulled away for a moment, his tear streaked face sending pangs through my heart. "W-wil y-y-you sing a s-song for m-me?" he asked quietly, "Of course" I whispered, wiping his tears away with my thumb.

And then a song came to me I hadn't sang in years, mostly because I had almost forgot I could really sing. "There must be something in the wind...that feels like tradgty's at hand...and though I'd like to stand by him...can't shake this feeling that I have...the worse is just around the bend...and does he notice...my feelings for him....and will see..how much he means to me...I think its not to be" I finished softly. Rob was still hugging me, his head against the hollow of my neck. "You have a pretty voice" he whispered, wiping his eyes and nose. I smiled a little. "Thanks. Now...why don't you tell me whats wrong" I said, positioning him in a more comfortable way on my lap. He sniffled a litt.e "It wasn't really anything. Mr. Vision and I were...talking. About...how I feel. About my mom and this place and all of you guys." he said quietly. "Rob...did Mr. Vision ever do anything that made you uncomfortable?" I asked slowly, fearing his answer. He didn't say anything, just sat there for a moment. "Once or twice" he whispered, so low I almost missed it. I felt sick. That bastard! I swallowed back bile in my throat. "Honey, I understand what happened to you. I used to have to go to therpy here to with Mr. Vision. I know your scared. I know what it feels lilke. Would you like me to tell some-" "No!" he said quickly and loudly. "He said I wasn't supposed to tell anyone! Please Bo, don't! Please just forget about it! I'll tell him stop! Just please don't tell him I told you and don't tell the others!" he said, shaking all over again. All of the pain I had felt for myself was now combined with what I felt for Rob.

"Rob...I won't tell anyone. I promise you. But I think you need to stop going to 'therapy'. Maybe...you could have therapy with me" I said slowly, not sure why I had offered that option. I was messed up too! He was a little boy who needed proffesional help! What the hell was I gonna do to help him? But before I could say anything else, he interuptted me. "Really?! I could?" he asked, happiness glowing off his damp face. I stifled a sigh. "Yes" I softly. His eyes grew huge and he hugged me tight. I smiled a little and hugged him back, ruffling up his blonde hair. "Thank you Bo! Thank you so much! I love you! Your so much like my mommy!" he said. I lips parted a little, suprised. Love? This little boy, this little boy who needed help loved me? I smiled, feeling my own little tears of happiness well up in my eyes. "No problem Robbie. I...I love you too buddy." I said quietly.