Look Me In The Eye [Solangelo]

Chapter 4

The hot coffee in his hands was the only thing keeping him grounded as Nico slid into the seat across from him. The sun coming through the windows caught his eyes and they sparkled like glass was trapped inside them.

There he was, Nico. Sitting in front of him with bags under his eyes and bangs that needed to be cut. Desperately. He was a real person with a with a hesitant smile and fidgety hands like he wanted to run away. Or maybe he was afraid Will was going to.

Nico held out a shaky hand over the table. "Nice to meet you," he said.

Will bit the inside of his cheek and shook his hand. "Oh wow. It's June, dude, why do you feel like you just stepped out of a cooler?"

Nico pulled back and scratched the back of his neck self-consciously. "Yeah, uh, sorry about that. Poor circulation..."

"No offense," Will said. "Just, I'm a mom friend, y'know? Don't like cold people, don't like hungry people, don't like sleepy people. I want to get you a blanket or something."

Nico's face was turning pink. "Noted. So, what brought you out of the house in pajamas this fine afternoon?"

Will thought about being vague, about keeping it light...No. No, the whole reason he hadn't talked to possibly the cutest guy ever, his soulmate, in 6 months is because nothing about his life was easy to swallow, certainly not over coffee. But he had to do it, he had to get this all off of his chest. Nico deserved to know, even if it hurt.

"Just got out of therapy. I'm in pajamas because I just woke up. I can't seem to get enough sleep and I started these new anxiety/depression meds—did Hazel tell you about that? The whole panic attack and suicidal ideation thing?"

Nico bit his lip. "She just told me you were nice. Really nice—but too nervous about the soulmate thing."

He exhaled a laugh. "Yeah, that's true. Except my entire life is falling apart, Nico. I keep trying new meds and I'm finally on ones that work but," he laughed to himself. "Get this. I have ADD. My extreme anxiety used to keep my impulse control in check--not anymore. Just last week I ripped all the keys off my keyboard and started to shave my head before I managed to stop myself—thankfully Piper was able to turn it into an undercut. But now I have thirteen year old girls trying to flirt with me at work. Not a fan of that."

"I think you look nice..." Nico muttered.

"Thanks. But now my spacebar doesn't work and I'm currently fighting the urge to snort an entire packet of stevia. Oh! Oh, this is great, you'll love this," God why couldn't he just shut up? Shut up, shut up, shut upshutup— "I'm a barista and I did all my training just before I started my meds, right? So one of the side effects was slight memory problems. Which means I am basically repeating my entire trainee phase. I was doing great one week and then the next I have to ask my boss how much a muffin costs, it's embarrassing. Not to mention the test I failed last week because I couldn't recall basic anatomy—so, yeah, Nico." His throat was starting to tighten as he stood up. "I'm sure you're great and wonderful but," his voice cracked on the last word. "But I'm fucked up right now. I've been fucked up for a long time and it doesn't look like that's going away any time soon—sorry you got fucked over with the whole soulmate deal but I'm broken and no one should have to deal with that." He shoved his chair in and wiped hot tears out of his eyes with the heel of his palm.

"Nice meeting you, Nico, have a nice life."

***

Nico wasn't sure quite how long he'd been staring at Will's abandoned drink for. Long enough for the sun outside to shift, long enough for the customers who'd gawked at Will's outburst to have left, long enough for the waitresses to start looking at him nervously, like they wanted to ask him to leave but didn't know how. His own coffee went cold in his palms before he numbly carried both of their abandoned drinks to the trash and walked out.