Hiding The Mafia's Son

Chapter 11

Tahimik kong pinagmamasdan ang mga ilaw na mabilis na tumatakbo paatras habang dinadaanan ng sasakyan ni Zykiel.

They were giving me the illusion of running off and chasing each other hastily. Where in fact I am the one on the run. I am the one on the ride chasing the peace and forgiveness. Forgiveness for myself and for those who hurt me. Chasing the peace because I am tired with the pain and grudge in my chest. They are too heavy. They are too consuming. I am frightened with the possibility of losing myself if I don't let go of those gruesome emotions. If I don't set free of that gruesome memory. 

Minsan ganun ang mga tao. When they are in the turning point of their lives which caused them too much pain, they blame it to the other party. They won't even try to check themselves if it is the other whose at fault alone or they are too. They focused on the pain more rather than on the cause. They don't even care if the other is hurting as they do. They only focus on their own pain. Dahilan kung bakit minsan hindi nagkakaroon ng closure at mas lalo silang nasasaktan. They always play the victim card. I always hate that 'pa-victim' attitude. A 'pa-victim' plus 'mapagmataas' and 'attention seeker' attitude has never been a good combination you know? It is gross. So toxic.

Zykiel and I has a complicated relationship. He's the reason why I was hurt but I am confused with the fact that he feel so warm. A warm one could only find at 'home'. I have this unnamed feelings for him. Unnamed yet I also know it is not a bad feeling. He is my rapist. That is for a fact. But he also want me and Aki to hide just to protect us. Does everything make sense?

Hindi ko alam kung paano siya pakikitunguhan. Utang ko na ngayon sa kanya ang buhay ko kahit papaano. Nakakabaliw din naman ang estado namin. Saan ba kayo nakarinig ng rapist at rape victim na nagsasama sa iisang bubong at may anak na parang wala lang? Rapist na ipapahospital ang rape victim niya para gamutin at pagkatapos ay iuuwi pa sa bahay? Rape victim na nananampal ng kaibigan dahil pinagpapantasyahan ang rapist niya?

This is craziness. What do you think?

Napakislot ako nang biglang binalot ng malalim niyang boses ang sasakyan. Mas nakaramdam din ako ng lamig nang mas lalong lumamig ang loob ng sasakyan dahil sinamahan iyon ng boses niya.

"Free your sched tomorrow. I will answer all your question. I want this to be clear to you as soon as possible. They are now trying to fuck everything up,"

Nang nilingon ko siya ay naabutan ko ang magkasalubong niyang mga kilay at nagtatagis na mga bagang. Seryoso ang tingin sa unahan at mahigpit ang hawak sa manibela habang nagmamaneho. Dahilan para mas magsilabasan ang mga ugat niya sa kamay.

"Ano ba kasi ang totoo? Alin sa alam ko at sinasabi mo ang totoo? Litong lito na kasi ako at kung pwede ko lang sa--"

Napasimangot ako nang hindi niya man lang ako pinatapos. Gusto kong magpuyos sa galit pero hindi ko din alam kung bakit hanggang inis lang ang kaya ko. Isip ko lang ang nagsasabing galit ako. Na dapat magalit ako. Pero ang puso ko ay iba ang sinasabi.

Pinipilit ko ang sariling magalit kasi iyon naman ang tama diba?

"I will answer all your question tomorrow. I believe you're not deaf?"

Tinapunan ko siya ng matalim na tingin nang bahagya siyang humarap sa akin at nagsmirk nang mag-red light.

"Are you mocking me?"

"What do you think?" Itinaas niya pa ang kilay.

"Bakit ba masy--"

I was silenced when he chuckled and maneuvered his car back to the road when the traffic light was already in green light. Pasulyap-sulyap pa siya sa akin nang smooth na ang takbo ng sasakyan. Humor is plastered on his face kaya mas lalo akong nairita.