Desolated - book 3 •StrangeFrost•

Its all your fault.

Hey guys. Just a fair warning, the topics I'm going to cover in the next few chapters are heavy. For anyone dealing with depression or something like that, just be warned. And for everyone, please, stay safe.
•Loki's POV•
Around four years after the desolation happened.

I was a mess.

I had become and alcoholic, a regular smoker, and a terrible person to say the least.
I've started listening to music, Rogers told me it would help with the depression and all that, but now it just seems like something else to get addicted to.
I listen to Queen sometimes, it'll help me not constantly want to drink until I can't process simple math but it doesn't really do much.

And I'd been told that I was going crazy.

I don't know who told me.
I'd just been so busy trying to forget everything that I didn't realize it.

And, quite frankly, I agree with them.

Someone had gave me these small blue pills, again, I don't know who, but they for some reason make me feel a bit better.
But whenever I take them, I can't really cut myself because it doesn't have the same effect.

And at this point, I was feeling little to no emotion.
I'll ether feel extremely depressed, or absolutely nothing.
And I have no idea how to deal with either of those emotions.
I have scabs on my neck from violently scratching myself while screaming, trying to feel something else.

And voices surround me everywhere.
I'll hear him all the time, all around me, I'll see him.
Sometimes I'll make an illusion of him to help me get through something.

It never works.

Because Stephen's not really there.

I just want so badly to feel his hands on my shoulders, to see him smiling at me, his beautiful eyes and calming voice.

"NO!"
I screamed, holding my head in my hands.
I didn't know where I was.
I heard voices around me, all screaming the same thing.
It's all your fault.
It's all your fault.
It's all your fault.
It's all your fault.
"Loki?"

I heard a voice above me.

I looked up.
I don't know what I saw.
"Loki can you hear me?"

I felt something wrap around my head and squeeze as hard as it could, as everything around me became a painful spark of emotion.
It's all my fault. It's all my fault. It's all my fault. It's all my fault. It's all my fault. It's all my fault. It's all my fault. It's all my fault. It's all my fault. It's all my fault. It's all my fault. It's all my fault. It's all my fault. It's all my fault. It's all my fault. It's all my fault. It's all my fault. It's all my fault. It's all my fault. It's all my fault. It's all my fault. It's all my fault. It's all my fault. It's all my fault. It's all my fault. It's all my fault. It's all my fault. It's all my fault. It's all my fault. It's all my fault.
"ITS ALL MY FAULT!" I screamed.