Will Newman's last days FIVE FEET APART

I'll Be Fine

so this is it. the end. since this story first started, I've changed as person, the world around me, my way of writing. but i guess all the readers who have stuck with me since the beginning have as well. thx to everyone who put a little time into this fic. i carry all of u in my heart even if, as I've seen in my story's info, u r scattered all over the world. it just hit 2k reads, im curious to see how many it will reach in the future. thx for reading, i'll be putting the original cover at the end 

............................................................

Stella's pov

I turned on the camera and waited for my video to start going live. I hadn't posted on my channel in over two months, but it seemed long due. My hands were shaky as I held my camera, but there was nothing I could do for them to stop. They had been this way ever since I read his note.

Therapy had helped A LOT. 

After my breakdown I really had no choice but to go. All my repressed feelings needed to come out. And they did. It sucked for a while, but I was better now.

I'd moved on.

It was necessary, yet I think that when I did, a little piece of me stayed behind. Or maybe it was when I saw his body. I'm not sure. Not that it matters anymore.

I was a different person, but I didn't think it was a bad thing. It was just... a thing. I had not gotten any control over it whatsoever anyways, so I couldn't complain if I didn't have anything to do with it.

Being my old self wouldn't have worked after his death. So maybe it wasn't not only bad, but good.

What was clear, at least, was that I was better. I no longer cried everyday, I wasn't scared to talk about my feelings, and I could actually sleep, no longer waking up with nightmares in the middle of the night.

A quiet beep pulled me out of my thoughts, and I smiled at the camera, a genuine smile.

"Hi, everybody!" I shot a quick glance at the live comments section, and felt incredibly relieved when lots of comments started popping up. At least people hadn't forgotten about me after being away for so long. I started answering their questions as fast as I could, struggling to keep up with the chat.

"Oh my God! there's so many of you! Errr... yeah, yeah, I'm okay. I-uh, went away because of my lover's passing, as some of you know. Oh, I'm really much better thank you so much! We... we had his funeral after I-uh read the note, yeah. It's okay, seriously. Well, I mean it's not, but we're all better. Yes, I have noticed the increase of followers. I know, I thought I was gonna lose subscribers by going away, but there's so many more of you now. Thanks for that. Yeah, Barb is great! It was hard for her as well, but she's okay. Charlie and James... oh, well, they got fired, actually. That sucked. It was really unfair. But they moved to New York and are working in a different hospital now, where they get a lot more shifts together, if you know what I mean."

I grinned wider. Things really were better. And they would keep improving. Will's death had left a mark in all of us, but we had to move on. It was what he would've wanted.

I continued to answer questions for another 2 hours, and ended the live by promising a return to my followers.

I stared at the ceiling for a long time that night, as I always did. I longed for him. But I had to be strong. For him. I still smelled his scent in my mind, the cologne which I had sprayed all over my room countless times because I had never been able to get close enough to him to smell it on him. I saw the shine in his eyes. The vein on his neck that popped out when he coughed too much.

I still had him. As well as I had Poe. 

They hadn't left me. They were still with me. Maybe not physically, but we'd never been able to touch them anyways. Their presence was there. That was all I needed. That was what let me sleep every night. Including that one.

I really missed them, but they were there. In a jar of truffles on my nightstand. In a note under my pillow.

And they'd always be with me.