Will Newman's last days FIVE FEET APART

Inside Will's Mind

Will's pov

Thank God she grabbed the end of that pool stick. I'd kept it since the day of our first date, it reminding me of her.

Gosh, was she beautiful. The way her hair formed waves over her shoulders, the tiny wrinkles that formed besides her eyes when she smiled.

If I had had to choose a word to describe Stella, it'd be perfection. Yep. Because she was the closest thing to flawless I'd ever seen.

Sometimes I'd stare at her for long periods of time, just admiring her beauty, absorbing every inch of her face, taking in her beauty.

I'd been thinking about the afterlife for quite some time since they gave me the two-week ultimatum.

I don't know, it just... Resonated with me, the way life could just... Vanish so easily.

Like an eyelash you blew away. Just... Gone. Forever.

One day there, the next day, not.

My head hurt when I spent too much time submerged in these thoughts, yet I couldn't pull away from them.

They had become necessary for my existence, which wasn't saying much, considering how little it was gonna last.

But as much as I needed my cannula to breathe, I needed these pesky thoughts to accept my fate.

They were incredibly important to cope, even if paradoxically, they were what I had to cope with in the first place.

Everything seemed so relative now. I was young. I'd felt so old when I reached 18, but I wasn't. I was incredibly young. At the start, at the real beginning of my life.

Little things which annoyed me, or that I wouldn't have wanted to do before the B Ceppacia were much less important after it, and now even more.

I felt grateful for my life. The life I had been given, as short as it had been.

I was grateful for having known that I was gonna go, for Barb and Julie, for my mom, who sucked at knowing me, but had tried, and had most definitely loved me with all her heart. My friends, my creativity, which was kinda thanks to me, but still meant a lot for my happiness.

I was grateful for the fact that Poe had died before me, as I hadn't lasted much more anyway and I didn't want him to have to deal with my death or Stella's grief.

I was grateful he had died after having one of the best nights of his life, where he spent it with me and Stella and people who loved him and cared about him.

But most importantly, I was grateful for his best friend and the love of my life. Stella.

I had only known her for a few months, but she had given my life meaning.

She had been my light in the darkness, the strenght to keep me going every day, my anchor to reality.

My savior. I loved her so much. My heart ached by just looking at her.

The hardest part of this, would be leaving her.

She had probably extended my life by teaching me (and forcing me) to do my treatments, which gave me chills. I'd be dead by now of it weren't for her. She really had been a miracle for me.

Her gaze was indescribable for me. Her teeth glimered like pearls, in flawless formation after all those years wearing brackets, but that wasn't tye highlight of her smile.

It was warm. Friendly. Loving. Like I said of her, perfect. And when laughter erupted from her lips or was even better.

It fullfilled me. She fullfilled me.

If I was gonna die, I was glad it was gonna be with her by my side. There was no one else in the world I loved more.

She was my other half. And I'd always be hers, even when I was dead, even if she fell in love with someone else and devoted herself to them.

I'd always be a part of her. And I'd never forget her. Even when I were dead, her face would remain imprinted in my eyes, even if I could no longer see it.

I was ready to die.

I'd set my business in order with my mom, told her I loved her, she told me, she'd be coming by this afternoon, as she almost had a heart attack when I told her about my 'coughing fit' which had quite literally left me breathless.

I'd made peace with Barb (and Julie) and got along great with them, I loved them, to be honest.

I'd said my final goodbyes to Poe, and soon I'd be joining him, finally I'd be able to see him.

I'd bid my farewell to this world, I didn't owe it anything, it had never rewarded me anything in my life, apart from my life and love, and that had been enough. I'd miss the smell of the grass after it rained, the little peaks the sun gave in between the clouds in sunny days, drawing, laughing.

Not that I'd be able to remember it after I literally had no mind, but I liked to think somehow, somewhere all these thoughts wouldn't be in vain.

I had o given my entire self to the love of my life. It still amazed me how I'd been able to find the right person for me so early. But she was. And I couldn't know her more.

So as we got to the elevator, heading to see the babies she liked so much, I couldn't help but smile.

My life had been completed. I was ready to die.

.................

Hiii. So this chapter exists lmao. I wonder if anyone will actually read the whole thing. I hope they do. I feel like we're always shown very dramatic deaths, but we never get the person's direct pov. I feel like I f someone where to die, they'd think about it quite a lot. Most of this chapter is actually straight from my brain, my thoughts on these subjects and things like that. I hope u like it